Am I willing to go to the hard places…?

Isaiah 53:3-4

³He was despised and forsaken of men,
         A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
         And like one from whom men hide their face
         He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

⁴Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
         And our sorrows He carried;
         Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
         Smitten of God, and afflicted.

sorrow: distress caused by loss, affliction, disappointment, etc.; grief, sadness, or regret.

grief: keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.

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This passage has been on my heart lately…I mean, completely, weighing down my heart. You know how sometimes you are awakened to TRUTH so much that you almost suffocate in it? Yet, you also feel FREED, alive, moving, HOPE.

This passage is describing Sweet Jesus…It describes His life, His character.

And shouldn’t my life look like His life?

Shouldn’t I get acquainted with grief?

Shouldn’t I be praying that God would send sorrow and grief my way so I can live Christ?

I should.

I need to, but for some reason, I find myself avoiding that prayer sometimes. I find myself wanting to share in the glory of Christ without sharing in the sorrow.

It’s easy to want to hold little kids and listen to them laugh at your silliness. BUT, it’s hard to pray that God would break your heart with these kids’ heartache and pain. It’s hard when these laughing and smiling kids go home where they get abused or don’t have any food.

It’s hard to ask God to send you pain.  It’s hard to pray “Do ANYTHING You need to do in order for me to live Your Gospel! Please send hurt, tears, pain, sickness, death, and hate my way! PLEASE! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.”

But I am at the point where I have started praying that God would acquaint me with sorrow and grief. That He would let me take a dive into the pit of despair for others. I pray that everyday, I remember how Christ dove into the muddy pit for me, so I should dive into that same mess too. I pray that I will get the opportunity to shoulder the burdens of others….that I get to grieve with others, feel sorrow in my life, and weep.

I pray that I have the courage to pray the hard things…to do the hard things..to dive into the pain, swim around, and sing songs of thanks when I feel like I am drowning…

I pray that you have the courage to pray the hard things, to do the hard things too.

A few random things:

SOOOO.

1. I really want to live in the apartment from Friends. It’s in Greenwich Village in NYC. LOVE. It’s an awesome place with a lot of character. It kind of has a small-town feel that I just absolutely love. I have decided that I want to live there for at least a year after college. Greenwich Village, that is...not the Friends Apartment.

2. I am really trying to figure out where God wants to take me…I know that is such a cliché thing to say, but I really am just seeking His heart. I want to be wherever His heartbeat is.

3. I am trying to decide on school next year. I love UT, I really do. BUT I feel that I need to get out of my parent’s house…I need to leave. I love my family, but I think that I need to leave them.

4. I am doing some big-time serious praying about summer plans. I feel like God is giving me a plethora of choices…And He is letting me decide. I feel His blessing and His hand on all of them. I just need to pray about what experience will be best for me to use in the future. So, if you are one of the few that reads this blog, I ask that you would pray for me…that I would hear God’s voice saying, “This is the way, walk in it.”

5. I am sick, and finals are around the corner. It’s a pain, but it happens.

LOVE LOVE LOVE.

"Yes, Lord."

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
--Donald Miller.

I read this in one of Miller's books a few months ago, and it has kind of been haunting me ever since...I think the key to this is the decision to leave or to stay. To change or to remain. To love or to become complacent. To follow or to ride the fence. To give or to hoard. To love recklessly or to love with caution. To exist or to live. On paper, the choice is obvious. In life, it's also obvious, but we chose to side with caution and comfort.

It's the same fork in the road that the Rich young ruler faced. He asked Jesus what it would take to follow Him, and Jesus plainly said, "Sell everything you have, and follow Me...Give up your comfort, your gods, your life. Then, follow me to TRUE life..."

In this story, I find myself. I am the rich young ruler. Scratch that. I am not a ruler. But I am an American girl with a loving family and a comfortable living situation who has a love for scarves and jewelry. I mean, yes, I definately love Jesus. I really do. But, to be completely straight with you, I struggle with following Him. I have to sometimes "leave" to follow Him. I sometimes need to give up time with those that I love to follow Him. Sometimes, following Him means that I sit with someone who no one else wants to sit with...Sometimes, I need to give up that $60 pair of perfectly-fitting GAP jeans to follow Him. And I usually either do it while kicking and screaming or I say "not now." I see the cost as too high, and I walk away sad--just like the rich young ruler. I hate it, but I do it.

I am learning to answer Jesus with "Yes, Lord."
Will you give it all up for Me? "Yes, Lord."
Will you give up your dreams? "Yes, Lord."
Would you give up your family? "Yes, Lord."
Would you give up your friends? "Yes, Lord."
Would you give up school? "Yes, Lord."

"Yes, Lord." That's every Christian's calling--to just respond with "Yes, Lord."

Today is the day.

Today is a day of thanks. It's a day of love and grace when you don't feel like you can give either of the two to the people around you. Today is a day to look at the light afflictions, and choose to never lose heart. It's a day to talk to that girl that has pain in her eyes. It's a day to read the Word of God like it is the most beautiful and priceless gift ever given to you...because it is. It's a day to pray more than you talk. A day to look into the face of the Creator and Sustainer, and fall to your knees. It's a day to forget what is behind you, b/c if you look back, you might just go back. Look ahead. Today is an adventure. Walk further than you ever have today. Hug more than you thought possible. Laugh without holding back. Smile when someone hurts you. Thank someone for their kindness. Live your passion. If not, your soul will die. Dream bigger, and then move forward. Too many people have dreams that they never put into action; don't be one of them. Live life with reckless abandon. Today is the day.

...this is what I want my life to be like.

Words of Wisdom:

"Do not waste your time chasing after the perfect guy. Rather, run toward Christ and after you've been running for a while, take a look around and see who is running with you!"--Somebody aka Anonymous.

Cause all I ever had were these redemption songs...

I am a firm believer in the fact that God stories still happen. I believe that God, the Creator and Sustainer of life, looks into our hearts and guides us step by step into His plan for us. He sees our inner-most, hidden desires, and He uses His Spirit to start bringing them to the surface. Eventually, those dreams that circumstances quench, His Spirit quickens. He brings them so much to the surface that we see that His true, fulfilling, and purpose-filled life hides in these suppressed desires.

God stories are our life stories. There's a plot in place from the beginning, but we try to twist it and manipulate it because we believe it will be a better, more-fulfilling story. We try to choose an option B or C, but somehow inside, we know that out Spirit is only freed when we figure out plan A. So, we spend our whole lives trying to slow down the plot...We say that we don't know His dreams for us. Then, finally, we realize that maybe we always knew those dreams. We realize that maybe, just maybe, our childhood dreams that we let go of were there for a reason. Maybe as children, full of life, faith, and possibilities, God gives us His desires for our lives...but as we go to college, those dreams seem illogical and unrealistic, but our souls call these things thrilling and life-giving. We come to a fork in the road. We must decide between God given desires in our souls or the world's quest for success.

A few days ago, I embraced my soul's desires. I threw away my attempts to change the world while still always having financial stability...I threw away the idea of telling people's stories, and I picked back up the dream of helping teenagers change their stories. I want to help them sing out REDEMPTION SONGS.

Redemption is at work in our hearts everyday...Always, always, always sing out the REDEMPTION SONG.