The men in my life ROCK.

Today was filled with all of my favorite men.
Dad.


Dad loves my facial expressions. He thinks they are the best thing in the world. He always talks about how big my eyes are. He and I are the same person in a lot of ways. We are realistic, but we are also dreamers. We both have this passion to live lives of following Jesus every day. We both laugh at nothing, and we are semi-loud. Poor Mom. It drives her crazy sometimes. He teaches me what a man of God is. Love, respect, encouragement, vulnerability, strength, and leadership.

Matt (left) and Phillip (right). They don't actually look like this...or wear these things. It is Halloween.


Matt.
Matt reminds me what it means to care. He cares about the church. He has this desire to lead people in worship. And he lives his life with such rawness. He doesn't claim to have it altogether. He doesn't claim to be an awesome Christian. He just wants to love Jesus with his everything. He teaches me that men of God care, worship, and live with passion.

Phillip.
Phillip is the perfect guy. I pray that God sends me a guy with his character. I told Phil that tonight. I don't know how a guy can measure up to the standard of a man of God Phillip has set in my life. He doesn't talk a lot about his faith, but he lives it with such boldness that no one can deny it. He has an integrity that I long for. He also makes me laugh until I can't breathe. He is the best storyteller ever. He keeps me grounded, and he challenges me to chase after God's heart. He has a desire to be a father to the fatherless, and I love that about him. He is a servant to all those he comes in contact with. He is never relaxing. He is always helping people. Phillip shows me that a man of God lives with integrity, boldness, humor, and as a servant to all.


I am so thankful for these men that God has placed in my life. I love them so stinkin' much. It's just ridiculous how much I care about them.

A Prayer:

"May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, So that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. May God bless you with tears To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war, So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them And turn their pain into joy. And may God bless you with enough foolishness To believe that you can make a difference in the world, So that you can do what others claim cannot be done To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor. Amen."

-Anonymous.

Real Talk #15: Babies, redemption , and love.

While walking on Pedestrian Walkway today, I saw a table set up. Nothing out of the ordinary. There are always tables for politicians and churches. I went a little closer. On the table were baby dolls, cut into pieces, ripped apart, with fake blood on them. As I listened to the people who were at the table talk (maybe I should say "yell"), I started getting so frustrated. They were each yelling out different things.

"You see these babies? This is what you are doing to your child if you have an abortion! Blood is everywhere on your soul!"
"God hates baby murderers!"
"God turns His back on you when you commit this sin!"

I was mad. I was about to scream. I was about to walk up to these people who called themselves Christians and give them a piece of my mind. But all I could do was...cry.

I watched college student after college student walk by, stare, roll their eyes, and keep going.


Now, listen. Don't get me wrong. I am very pro-life. But I could not believe the way that these people were sharing their beliefs. Screaming, anger, and more screaming.

They were coming in contact with broken and hurting college students, and all they did was scream.

When people are being "witnessed" to, I understand that they could walk away feeling angry or upset(rich young ruler). They could leave feeling heavy because they find the cost of following Christ to be too high. The Cross is offensive. I get that. I do. Anything Christian in our culture is controversial. People will get mad. But. They should never leave upset because of the way I spoke to them. My words are to be filled with GRACE.

(((But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect. 1 Peter 3:15.)))

People should leave with Hope. They should leave with strength. They should leave with Joy. They should leave feeling loved and cared for. They should leave feeling that they saw Jesus in our eyes.

You can tell people that something is wrong without screaming in their faces. I promise.

What if these protesters would have loved those that they came in contact with today? What if they would have come with a message of Hope, forgiveness, and strength? What if they would have smiled when people walked by? What if they would have shared redemption? What if they would have shared the beauty of adoption? What if they would have come broken for people who have no hope rather than with a message of hate? What if they would have left the screaming at home and put on a coat of grace instead? What if they would have spoken words of life rather than death? What if they would have stood for what is right with love?

I feel like people would listen to Christians standing on the side of pro-life if we lived what we talk about. If we say to women that every life is valuable, then we need to act like it. When we drive beside a homeless man, we need to look at him the same way that we look at our friends. We know that there are millions of children starving physically, emotionally and spiritually...So, we need to do something about it. We say that all humans have equal value, so we need to help stop little girls from being sold into slavery. We tell women that their children could impact the world one day, so we need to impact the world today... We tell them that we stand on the side of "life," so our words need to give life. We tell them that they could put their babies up for adoption, so we need to adopt.
Why should they believe anything we say if we don't live it?

The thing is, there are sweet babies' precious lives on the line, and there are women's souls on the line.

Number of abortions per year: Approximately 42 Million.
Number of abortions per day: Approximately 115,000.

Crazy, right?

I want a woman to believe me when I say that I believe her baby's life is precious and beautiful... I want her to believe me because I treat everyone like their lives are beautiful and precious. I want them to see me value all people's lives. I want them to believe that the bride of Christ WILL value each child's life. I want them to believe me when I say that God passionately LOVES her child...and He passionately LOVES her, too.

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18.

LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

A few scattered thoughts:

1. As much as I hate to say it, Braveheart is an awesome movie...I hadn't ever watched it all the way through until this weekend. Sure, I had heard all the hype...I have heard the multiple sermon illustrations, but I had never seen the movie. There are some major spiritual applications in it, for sure. Passion, mission, adventure.

2. I love Frank Sinatra. If a man wants to win my heart, he might just need to sing Frank Sinatra songs to me. I don't even care if it sounds good.

3. I do believe that Brad Paisley knows the heart of a woman. Love. his. music.

4. The Prodigal Son. Studying that parable the past few days. I'll write thoughts on it later.

5. I love fall so much that it's just stupid.

6. I just really love Jesus a lot (more than I love fall, Frank Sinatra, and Brad Paisley combined). I mean, really, I don't even know what else to say... I just love Him with every ounce of me.

7. For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and FOR Him.--Colossians 1:16. Life is not about me. My life is for HIM...to give glory to Him. So often, we buy into the idea that life is a story revolving around us. That is so untrue. Life is about Him...it's for Him.

Real Talk 15: "I don't want to grow old with you and sit in rockers on the front porch..."

I was talking with a few girls the other day, and one of them said something interesting...

She said,

"I can't wait to graduate, fall in love, get married, get a dog, settle down, and have kids, be a stay-at-home mom...Then, my husband and I will send them to college, he will retire, and then we will sit on our front porch in rocking chairs together every night until we die..."

As she said this, I cringed...I mean, literally I almost threw up thinking about a life like that...

It's all about romance, money, and relaxation. It sounds good.

It's the American Dream.

The thing is...I don't think I want it.

I think the "American Dream" is a tragedy.

If my end goal is to sit on the front porch in a rocking chair, I don't want any of the stuff that comes before it.

Don't get me wrong...I want to graduate, fall madly and recklessly in love, get married, and heaven knows I want a big dog to take on walks... I want to have kids, send them to college, blah blah blah.

BUT I desire more than that.

More than marriage, I want to have a reckless love for my Savior.

I want to make a difference in people's lives.

I want to give more money than I can afford.

I want kids, but I want to teach them to follow Christ, not just to go to college.

I don't want to sit in a rocking chair next to my husband until I die, I want to hold his hand as we walk the crazy journey Abba puts us on...

I don't want to just be a wife who cooks and cleans...I want to be a friend, an encourager, a challenger.

I don't want to "just be a stay at home mom"... I want to be a mom that pours her heart and love into her kids' lives...I want to teach them to love and laugh more than they breathe...I want to be a mom to those who don't really have a mom.

There is so much more to life than the American Dream...There are people to love, places to experience, orphans to love, planes to jump off of, books to write, and HOPE to share with a broken world...

I don't want to live the American Dream...I want to live the Gospel...no matter what the cost.

So, the man in my future better be ready to hear this...

"I don't want to grow old with you and sit in rockers on the front porch...I just don't..."

I want more than that. We are meant for more than that.

Real Talk #14: Dating.

I feel like the subject doesn't get enough "real talk" these days.

This week, I have seen relationships begin, end, and grow. So, I thought I would write down some thoughts about dating.

Thoughts...take them or leave them:

1. I will just go ahead and tell you that I'm not someone who sees the point of the whole "date around until you find someone to marry" deal. In fact, I think it is quite damaging for many reasons. Ever since I was in middle school, I looked at dating and cringed.

This seems to be the typical dating relationship:

The girl flirts until she wins a boy over. A boy is a gentleman until he charms a girl enough to get her to fall for him. Each person gives everything to the other person, and then BAM! It's over 6 months later...One person is blamed for the break up, and the other person drowns in the idea that they are merely a victim. Each person says horrible things about the other person. They have emotional break downs. They don't know how to live without the other person. There is heart ache. Then, eventually, each moves on and dates someone else. Then, it repeats, repeats, repeats.

People say that dating is to find someone to marry. So, in my head, I think of one question when I hear this: if that's true, why does it look so much like divorce? Isn't that ironic?

I have been told by so many people (Christian people, might I add) that I should just date around to find the guy that I will marry. People will say, "You don't even have to consider marrying them...You will see what you want and don't want in a guy when you date around...When you decide that you have had enough, just end it. No big deal."

I usually smile at them, thank them for the advice, and then throw it in the trash. This advice is SO STINKIN' destructive. It makes me sick. And to be straight up with you, I think this kind of thing makes Abba sick too.

I don't need to date around to find out what kind of guy I should marry. Why not? B/c I have God's Word to tell me what a man of God is. I have the Holy Spirit to guide me towards the right guy.

2. When you bad mouth your ex-girlfriend, it shows me your character. If you can't keep yourself from speaking words that tear down when you are hurt, you aren't ready to date to begin with.

3. When you break up with someone and then try to find another relationship to get involved in, you should not be dating. You obviously depend on a relationship to find your identity. And boys, I will just go ahead and let you know, that's not attractive.

4. If your primary goal in life is to get married, there is a problem with your heart...

5. If you are not finding satisfaction in Christ before you date/get married, there are going to be some MAJOR issues when you are in a relationship with a sinful, selfish human.

These are just some observations. I have another post coming that will probably be more thought out.

Real Talk #13: Do not grieve the Spirit of God.

Do you ever read Scripture and it feels like it might have been written just for you to read?

Today, I had one of those days.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30AND do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4.

Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. The word "and" is a conjunction... You might ask, "Conjunction junction what's your function?" (Thank you Schoolhouse Rock.) A conjunction's purpose is to join things together. So, the use of the word "And" ties verses 29 and 30 together...It shows there there is a connection between grieving the Spirit and unwholesome, destroying words...

Chan puts it better than I can:

"The Spirit is GRIEVED when there is a breach in relationship, whether it be with God or other people. When we are disunified, unloving, hateful, jealous, gossipy, etc, that is when we grieve the Spirit of God. And since He is the creator of emotions, I believe that He grieves more deeply than we can ever understand...I believe that if we truly cared about the Holy Spirit's grief, there would be fewer fights, divorces, and splits in our churches. Maybe it's not due to a lack of belief but rather a lack of concern. I pray for the day when believers care MORE ABOUT THE SPIRIT'S GRIEF THAN THEIR OWN."

When I read this in Chan's book, I just sat and stared at the page. I went back to Ephesians to read it all in context, and there it was.

I am in the process of finding areas of my life that GRIEVE the Spirit of God...areas that I never thought there was a problem. The Spirit knows our hearts and motives, and He is grieved when He sees bitterness, anger, and words of destruction.

Today as I read this passage in Ephesians, it cut my heart open and exposed all the nastiness that was inside. I literally sat and just wept about all the times in the past months (and even today) that I have grieved the Spirit of God with my words and actions.

There has to be a change in the way I speak. There has to be a change in the way I deal with the bride of Christ.

I really don't have much else to say about this right now, b/c I don't think I have processed it all the way.

Two Knee Caps?

Oh, no, that's just a knot from where I fell today.

I was walking to my car after class, and my clumsy self fell down...on gravel. Like really? Welcome to my life. No one was in sight, so luckily, I escaped with my dignity. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I literally sat there and CRACKED UP for 3 minutes. Seriously, how can you not laugh when something like that happens?

I am still laughing about this. Never a dull moment.

Real Talk #12. I belong.

"...you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." (1 Peter:9-10).


I think that we often get caught up in the "I do not deserve Jesus' salvation" stage. That is truth. We don't deserve His redemption. I have done nothing to deserve to be a part of HIS FAMILY, but here I am, a part of the family of God. Amazing. Sometimes, I think that I just don't fit into His fam. I am dirty and ugly. But Jesus gives me His righteousness so that His Abba can be my Abba. That's love. Love is at the center of the family of God. Grace is permeated throughout it. I am not only a part of this beautiful family, but I BELONG there. I belong to Abba. I am HIS. I am not just some visiting family member that no one knows...I am a beloved child. I fit in. You fit in. I don't deserve it, you don't deserve it, we don't deserve it.

Summary: We don't deserve to be a part of His family, but the thing is, we ARE a part of His family...WE BELONG.

Live in the comfort of the family of God. Community is vital. The Father's love is even more vital.

Today, sit and think about how you BELONG in the family. You fit in. You are chosen. You are beloved. You are made beautiful by Christ's redemption.

Real Talk: #11. "I can emotionally handle this now..."

Do you ever have one of those moments where something seems like a good idea, when in reality, it probably wasn't?
Today, I had one of those moments (and the pic is of my "That was a stupid idea that I had" face).

It was more of a "I think I can emotionally handle this now" moment.

I went to get gas...Norm.
I saw the graveyard that my Grandpa is buried in right up the street...Norm.
I thought to myself, "I miss him." Norm.
Then, I thought, "I wonder if Grandma has put fall flowers on his grave..." Semi-norm.
"I think I should go see if she has." not norm.

At the time, it seemed like a good idea.

This was my thought process as I was driving up there:

"This isn't a big deal. I mean, sure, his body is there, but he is in heaven with Jesus... It's not a big deal...Besides, I am over the crying and hurt stage...I'm not grieving anymore... He's been gone for almost 2 years...I should have gone to see his grave months ago... I wasn't ready then, but I can handle it now...Okay, just a little bit further... I'm not going to cry. It's just a marble stone with his name on it...I am over it. I've moved on...I know he is gone. It's okay...My heart has healed. I am just going to see the flowers...No biggie."

Then, I pulled in. Without warning, my mind went on a journey back to last February...

A mental video of the day we buried Grandpa came back so vividly. I was wearing a black dress with a yellow necklace and black pointy-toe'd shoes...I had make-up on b/c I thought that I wouldn't cry b/c Grandpa wasn't really gone, was he? The hearse sitting on the driveway...All of us standing together in the bitter cold of February to say "See you later" to someone who we loved...All of us trying to make each other laugh and smile to keep the tears to a minimum. Grandma sat in the car for as long as she could...just trying to stay warm, but really so she could delay saying bye to her husband...I looked up to the sky and asked God, "Where are you? I am surrounded on every side by death and heartache..." He moved the clouds so the sun could come out...There He was. Peaking through the clouds.

Back to present.
I sat in my car. Took a deep breath and stepped out. Every step felt like a million miles...I spotted the pretty fall flowers. Beautiful. I stood there and read the grave marker...Charles Ernest Mink, Sr. Veteran. April 23, 1925-February 20, 2009.

I just stood there, staring at the flowers.

And all of the sudden, I was crying, weeping, hurting all over again.

I ran back to my car. Literally, ran. I couldn't take it. I thought I was okay now? Why do I feel the same way I did the last time I was here? I started the car, and rested my head on my steering wheel... Still crying. I couldn't breathe. I started coughing and gagging...I told Jesus that I was still hurting so much...I told Him that I am more broken than I thought I was. I told Him that I am still grieving. I literally wept all the way home...I kept saying, "Why, Abba? Why? Why haven't you taken this pain away...? Why? Why? Why, why, why."

People always say "The pain gets better with time..."

In all seriousness, it doesn't. Sure, you don't cry every day. You go a long time without even thinking about it. Then, it creeps up. And it's unbearable pain. Ridiculous pain. About to throw-up kind of pain. The "legs don't work, falling onto your knees" kind of pain.


But, I thought about why the pain is still there...And I honestly don't know. Your heart remembers people who affected your life. Hearts break when those people leave.

But I think one reason is that every time you feel the pain, you are reminded that you can't get through life alone. You remember that you need community...that you need Jesus. You remember how He carried you through those days... and you remember that warmth you found in His embrace.

Abba doesn't like to see you weep and hurt and break...Emotions like these are of earth...

Yet, Abba uses these moments of desperation to remind you who. HE. is.

And God is good. He is ALWAYS good. He makes GOOD out of the bad.

If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;
if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath.--Psalm 34:18.

Scattered.

Today looked a lot like this picture.

My mind is in a state of "blah" about a lot of things going on...I have so many burdens about different things...(I know, so vague...) I will update the blog some more when I feel a little less scattered.


"You have said, 'Seek My face.' My heart says to You, 'Your face, LORD, I will seek...'" (Psalm 27:8).


The Spirit keeps bringing this verse to mind...In the chaos, "YOUR face, LORD, I will seek."

Real Talk: #10. GRACE.

"All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away..." Isaiah 64:6.

I chose this picture...Well, b/c it is disgustingly ugly... Just like my heart. Sad analogy. hahahaha. I am just trying to have a pic with all my posts.

My righteousness is like a filthy rag...It's useless...Gross...Smells bad...Not a pretty sight.

"You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you." Psalm 16:2.

I am covered in dirt without His righteousness. I am dead in sin without Him.

With HIM, I am the BRIDE of Christ, alive and able to breathe. Beautiful and without blemish in His sight...

How in tha world does that even happen?

GRACE. Sweet Jesus' GRACE allows me to wear a beautiful white, flowing dress every day. His righteousness allows me to come before ABBA without fear.

"My old self has been crucified with Christ.It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not treat the GRACE of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die..." Galatians 2:20-21.


Today, I am thankful for His GRACE.

I WILL NOT TREAT THE GRACE OF GOD AS MEANINGLESS...

Real Talk #9: Be real.

My night was filled with The Wedding Planner (J-LO & Matthew McConaughey)and good ole Southern Gospel music with Grandma. Priceless. I wouldn't trade precious times like these for anything in the world.


During the Saturday night Gospel hour (hahah, I think it's funny that I even watched this...I am not a Southern Gospel fan...at all), I heard a song that contained these words:

"Remind us, oh Father, that around us every day, the innocent eyes are watching...May they see our lives and say, 'I see real people with real struggles, real lives bruised in real ways...and there is real JOY and real HOPE...And through it all, I found real faith.'"

This is REAL TALK.

Like, what can I even add to that?

People are looking for HOPE. REAL HOPE. They are looking for REAL people with REAL struggles that have REAL faith.

Be real today.

Real Talk #8: I believe in...

I believe in the power of Love.
The love of a precious and tender, yet mighty, Savior.
The love of a family.
The love of a friend.
The love in a child's eyes.
The love that is filled with vulnerability between a man and a woman.
I believe in selfless, wonder-filled LOVE.


I believe in Grace.
The Grace of Abba.
The grace in His eyes.
The grace of parents' words when they don't approve of their child's decisions.
The grace of a friend.
I believe in beautiful, life-giving GRACE.


I believe in Forgiveness.
The Forgiveness that poured from the hands of Christ.
The forgiveness that hurts to give.
The forgiveness that seems impossible to do.
The forgiveness that a child gives to a parent that sold them into slavery.
I believe in painful, weight-reducing FORGIVENESS.

Real Talk #7: Beating, beating, beating.

A few years ago, I decided that I want to be where Jesus is. Wherever the heart of God is, that's where my heart will be. So, I began praying that He would reveal to me where He is...Sure, I knew that His presence was everywhere...but I think I really wanted to know where His heart was. I mean, I go to class on a daily basis, but my heart is not there. I go to class, do what I have to do, talk to people, etc. I am still the same Rachel, but I am just less passionate about it...Sometimes, I feel like Jesus was the same way while on earth. And sometimes, I feel like God is the same way today...His presence is every where, He loves all His people, He works among all people, but there are some places that He just loves to be, places that make His smile bigger. I think His smile is bigger when there is joy in the midst of pain. I think His smile is bigger when a little girl who has never known love feels the arms of a forever mommy and daddy around her for the first time. I think His smile is bigger when He sees one of His children live selflessly. But, really, where is God's heart? Where do we find it?

I have started looking for Jesus' heart. I started in Scripture...Every time that I read a verse that shows where the heart of God is, I write it down...If there is some lifestyle that God talks about, I write it down. If there is something that God hates, I write it down. A lot of them have one thing in common. I will post another blog with those verses tomorrow probs... but I will sum them up for you.

God is everywhere. He is working everywhere. But He is really passionate about faith with obedience, loving the orphans, the widows, the poor, the lepers, the hurt, the broken, the passionate, the seeking, and those that are running from Truth. He is really passionate about justice. That's where His heart is.

Scripture after Scripture reveals that. He is in favor of those that live the Gospel more than those that talk about it (Read James and you will see that). He hates when religious leaders "close the door of heaven in men's faces." (Matthew 23)He isn't a fan of sacrifices without a broken Spirit (Psalm 51:17). He isn't a fan of worship songs if there is no worship by obedience to His Word. He isn't a fan of a church if it lives in its four walls. He isn't a fan of people giving 10 percent of their incomes. He isn't a fan of people who ignore the needs of others. He isn't a fan of self-centered politics. He is a fan of justice, showing compassion, living by His Spirit, reading and living His Word, and loving people. He isn't always a big fan of churches, but He is a fan of THE BRIDE.


I have been to multiple churches over the past few years. (Sometimes, I just get sick of the same church over and over.)

I have learned that the church can be pretty, and it can be a whore...and I am no exception.


Sometimes, there is an undeniable beauty in the church. Sometimes, I hear a prayer that is so raw that it brings me chill bumps. Sometimes, I hear a song of praise flowing from the mouth of someone who has recently lost their mom or dad. Sometimes, I hear a pastor talk about how it's all about Jesus. Sometimes, I experience true community at church. Sometimes, I see God's hand in things at church. Sometimes, I see people who live out their faith. Sometimes, I see encouragement. Sometimes, I see men that lead their families with self-control and integrity. Sometimes, I see families that care for the orphans. Sometimes, I see Hope in people's eyes...Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes.

Sometimes, I stand during worship and wonder where God is among the people smiling fake smiles and singing selfish worship songs that are more about us than God. Sometimes, I listen to a preacher preach things that are out of context. Sometimes, I sit and listen to preachers in churches or on TV that yell things that are just ridiculous...Sometimes, I hear preachers that teach really arrogant things. Sometimes, I hear practiced prayers that I think God closes His ears to. Sometimes, I hear people ask God why He isn't listening to their cry to Him and I think of Proverbs 21:13..."If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered." Sometimes, I hear a praise team sing that it's all about Jesus...and then the pastor gets up and talks about how awesome the band sounded. Sometimes, I see people take communion like it's an afternoon snack that tastes really bad. Sometimes, I see a praise team and choir that is putting on a performance...Sometimes, I see a pastor on tv that is known in his community as one of the rudest, most money-centered people anyone has have ever met. Sometimes, I hear lessons that have no heart behind them. Sometimes, I hear people using hate-filled words. Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes.

Sometimes, I pray that God would show me where His heart is...And I can't feel His heart beating in the church. Sometimes, I wake up and say, "Hey God, where are you today?" I go to church; He's no where in sight. I step outside, go to Panera, and sit next to an old man reading a book about war and I see brokenness and pain in his eyes, and I feel God's heart. I sing a song in a church with millions of dollars worth of speakers in their sanctuary, and I can't feel the heart beat of God. I walk out, meet a friend for lunch, hear her talk about how she doesn't know how she is going to make it through the storm that is upon her...I find His heart beat. I sit and hear a guy who is apparently a Jesus-follower talk about how he just wants a career that gets him a lot of money so he can have a big house and a nice car...I can't feel His heart beat. I sit across from a girl who wants to change the world, cries at night about the brokenness that she sees around her, wants to love the abandoned, and wants to give everything she has for her Savior, and I can all of the sudden feel His pulse in her soul's dream. I sit in a classroom at a Christian school and hear people say, "PRAISE THE LORD! God is good, all the time! He is so faithful!" then see them ignore someone's needs in the hallway, and I can't hear the heart beat of God. I sit down with a guy who tells me that he has really messed up a lot in his life and knows He doesn't deserve God's grace...He tells me that he needs Jesus, but he isn't good enough for His love...I feel the pulse of the heart of God strong against my hand. I sit in a business meeting where they are talking about repainting the church, and I can't feel His heart...I read about a church who meets under a tree, rain or shine, and I feel His heart. I think about living a life with a husband, two kids, and a pretty house in the suburbs, and I can't feel His heart...I think about living a life with beautifully diverse children in a barely big enough house...There's His heart beat again. Beating, beating, beating.

...God's heart is with the broken, the people who realize that they are part of a people undeserving of grace just like the prodigal son. God is with the the child who dreams. God is with the couple who lives a like of reckless abandon for their Redeemer. God is with the orphans...God is with the little girl in the darkness of the night of prostitution in Atlanta (yes, Atlanta), Mumbai, and Bangkok ...God is with the man dying of cancer...the mom dying of AIDS. God is with the woman whose husband left her for a younger woman...God's heart is beating, beating, beating in the midst of brokenness. If the church isn't with the broken, then I am not sure if the church really knows the heart of God.

Jesus is REDEEMER. He is looking for those that are in need of REDEMPTION. We are the REDEEMED. We should be looking for those in need of REDEMPTION. Jesus is HOPE. He finds His place of dwelling among the HOPELESS. We have HOPE, we should go out to the HOPELESS. Jesus is JUSTICE, He makes RIGHT the INJUSTICE. We know JUSTICE, so we should make RIGHT the INJUSTICE. Jesus is LIGHT, so He goes to the DARKNESS to shine. We have His LIGHT, so we should go into the DARKNESS.

I want to be where Jesus is.

Real Talk #6. List of Five.

First, I have recently seen a blog by this woman who writes these posts that she says are straight from God's mouth. And they are ridiculous messages reeking of arrogance and straight up heresy. I write some things that Abba speaks to my heart on this blog, but if these messages do not line up with Scripture, there is a MAJOR problem and you should call me out on it. Whenever you feel the Spirit speaking to your soul, and it is not lining up with God's Truth in Scripture, you are more than likely NOT hearing Truth. God talks in Scripture. That is why Scripture memorization and meditation are so vital...Amen. Yes. PTL. That's my soap box.

Second, I miss a lot of my friends...Sad story.


Third, I love fall.

Fourth, I love hazelnut coffee.


Five, it's fall breakkkkkk.

Real Talk #5. Walk it Out.

Do you ever talk to someone and they tell you a huge story about how God told them exactly what He wants them to do? I have. Honestly, I feel uncomfortable when that happens. Maybe it's because I have never ever had that happen to me...And to be completely real with you, I don't expect that to ever happen to me.

Last year, I prayed for Abba to show me what school to go to... I literally prayed night and day about it...I asked for a clear sign, and I didn't get one. I narrowed it down between a state university, a Christian college, and Uganda. He didn't tell me which one was His plan. He just said, "Do something." I answered, "But which one?" His answer came through a peace about EVERY.SINGLE.ONE.OF.THEM.

Sometimes, I think that we complicate things. We act like we don't know what He wants, so we live our lives just trying to figure out exactly what He wants us to do in the future. And He is shouting, "JUST DO SOMETHING! You are so caught up in future plans that you forget that I have a plan for today...My plan is for you to love Me and love others...That's it. Just go somewhere and do it...Uganda, India, the Philippines, Mexico, Seattle, New York City, Knoxville, wherever...Just do it!"

Sure, I think that some people get called to a specific country or job...But, I haven't been so far. I haven't experienced some CRAZY sign telling me where to go... All I know is that He wants me to LOVE. I keep asking where He wants me to put my love into action, and He just keeps whispering, "Go with your heart on this...I will use you anywhere."

I believe that when we are truly seeking His plan, living in His word, and obeying Him, we can trust the desires of our hearts...

All I have ever known is that I am called to live ABOVE the norm. I am called to love Him, love others, and change the world. I think He wants me to love the orphans of the world because I have dreams about it and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the nights, and James 1:27 and Proverbs 31:8-9 just come to mind...I think I am going to be a writer one day because I love writing and telling stories through written words. I trust that His plans are bigger than mine. They always are. I think that He may be preparing me to give up everything to love Him and others. That's all I know. When it comes down to it, His plan for me is just LOVE.

So, daily, I want to live this out...I don't want to wait til the future to start...I will start today.

Real Talk #4: Real Love.

"Love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self."-Momma T.

Momma T had obviously been digging into God's Word when she wrote this...There is not one place in Scripture that says that love is easy. NO WHERE. It says that love means giving up your own wants, dying to self, leaving behind your family and friends, having compassion (literally feeling the pain and brokenness of others), living in obedience, and even dying.

God's love is not like the world's. The world says that you deserve love. Abba says, "You don't deserve love, but I give it freely out of My Grace." The world says that when someone hurts you, you should leave them behind and never forgive them. Abba says, "They hurt you? Love them with action and truth." HIS LOVE is REAL LOVE.

It cost us everything to love with the love that Abba calls us to. It WILL hurt. It WILL empty us of ourselves. Those are the signs of REAL LOVE.

Paul's love for Jesus and the Gospel took him to prison over and over and over.
Think about it. Precious Jesus' love for His Abba took Him to the cross to save a world that HATED Him.

The kind of love that Jesus calls us to live is a selfless love that is put to action through obedience.

When we love Jesus, we will follow Him...When we follow HIM, we leave our selfish desires behind. That hurts.

When we love Jesus, we have to love Him more than our family...Sometimes, we must leave our family...That seems like a high price.

When we love Jesus, we will love His Bride. Let's face it, His bride is sometimes a whore (selling itself to the things of this world). Straight-up. That takes real love.

When we love the widows and the orphans, we are going to be broken.

When we love our enemies, we are going to feel drained.

When you love with REAL love, there are going to be nights where you can't sleep b/c you are carrying someone else's burden because it was too heavy for them to carry alone.

REAL LOVE brings JOY and laughter and smiles...BUT it also has a cost...but the cost is worth it...

HIS LOVE is REAL LOVE.

Let Him pour His Love into you, then pour that REAL LOVE into others' lives...

Real Talk #3: Beautifully Raw.

I have designated October as Real Talk month... It's good for the soul.


I don't usually like to post preaching and all that kind of stuff...I don't know why...I just don't...But this, this is REAL. The quote from Real Talk #2 is from this girl...She is speaking TRUTH to a generation that is broken and seeking more than religion...She uses spoken word...It is beautiful. and raw. Give it a listen.

Real Talk #2: My Calling is NOT...

First, I would like to say that I do believe that I threw away 6 hours of my life today watching football (Luckily, I spent those hours multitasking...cleaning, studying, laundry, reading, etc). Which two games did I watch? LSU/Tennessee. and Alabama. I really don't think that Florida deserves to be mentioned in the game title. It was Alabama and more bama. Too much Bama for my liking, to be honest. As much as I LOVE hearing about McElroy's winning streak since high school, I would love someone to beat him. Amen and amen.

Now, onto the true subject of this post.

I read something today that completely describes what my heart has been feeling the past 6 months probably.

"I needed desperately to be close to Jesus, so I went searching in the one place I’ve always been able to find Him: among the least of these. I felt the heart of God racing wildly within me as His tears became mine. There are a lot of things and people in this life that I have lost; that’s life. The one thing I cannot afford to ever let go of is God’s heart. Some would say that I am crazy and continually put myself in danger; I suppose I can’t contest. It’s just that, to me, there is a greater danger that I fear. I would rather lose my life than to lose His heart..."-Katy Coffman.

That is raw, real, and exactly what my heart has been crying out to precious Jesus. I want His heart more than my next breath. I want His life more than all the Viva La Juicy perfume in the entire world. I don't care where He tells me to go or what He tells me to do...I will do whatever it takes to keep my heart in tune with HIS. I want Him. I want Him. I want Him. I want Him. I want Him. I want Him. I NEED HIM.

I don't know how I can know how passionate and crazy the Love and Grace of Sweet Jesus is and remain unchanged. IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. but you know what? I remained unchanged for longer than I want to admit...

I don't know how it took me so stinkin' long to realize that my heart was divided between Him and the world.

As each day goes by, He keeps whispering into my heart THIS TRUTH:
“This is what I, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, say: My love for My bride, Rachel Hopper, is passionate and strong! Don't you see? Give me your everything...Take a drink of my love and be satisfied. The world just makes you more thirsty...Drink in My love for you..." (Zech. 1:14).

I am His.

Before anything else, I am called to be a Jesus-lover, Jesus-follower, and Jesus-worshiper. That is my calling.

My calling is NOT to be a daughter...


My calling is not to be a sister...


My calling is not to be a granddaughter...


My calling is not to be a friend...


My calling is not to be a worship leader...


My calling is not to love His children around the world...


My calling is not to be Rachel Hopper...



My calling is to love the LORD, my God, with ALL my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Sure, loving Him has a lot to do with those other things, but they are only an outflow of my first calling, my calling to be a God-worshiper. He is first. He is King. He is Savior.

He is the Redeemer, and I am the redeemed.

I owe my life...every little broken piece.

Real Talk #1: Putting On Praise when You want to put on Heaviness.

"Put on the garment of praise. For the spirit of heaviness." (This song gets it lyrics from Isaiah 61, fyi. Read it, :))

I was driving today, and I thought about this song, and I cried. I cried a lot.

I will just be honest; I hate this song. My church has sung it 249 times over the past few years, and I have never really been fond of it.

But I think that the real reason that I don't like this song is deeper than just not liking the beat of it.

This was one of the songs played on February 22, 2009. Two days after my Grandpa went to be with Jesus. This song was played at church, and I remember that the praise team was singing it like it was the the easiest thing to do in the world. They were all smiles. Then, I looked around to the rest of the church, and they were all smiles.

Me? I was not all smiles. I remember thinking to myself,

"Look at them singing that I can put on a garment of praise instead of heaviness just as easy and quickly as I put on my favorite hoodie... Yeah, right. Sorry, Abba. Not today. I will keep my heaviness...You got Grandpa, and I get to wear the heaviness. I want to drown in it a little bit more..."

I was so mad. My heart couldn't sing those words; therefore, my mouth didn't sing them either.

Allowing yourself/forcing yourself to put on the garment of praise is hard. It takes surrender of pain and heartache. And to be real with you, it took me months to put on a garment of praise after the death of my favorite person in the world. I was sad, hurt, broken, confused, and just in a state of heart-chaos. But it's worth it. Trust Abba's goodness. I promise you, He is faithful...

But, just b/c you put on the garment of praise doesn't mean that the hurt goes away; I still hurt every day...But it does FREE your soul from the ties of anger.

That's my real-talk thought for the day.


The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."-Job 1:21.