The One with the 5k.

Yep, I started to officially train for a 5k today. I am trying to decide whether I am excited about it or not…I almost died today as I ran. You know, it’s been a while. But it’s a goal of mine…I love how running makes me feel…I wake up the next morning and feel so ridiculously sore. And because of that, I feel alive. Call me crazy, but I love being sore. Haha : )

I have always said that I want to run a marathon before I get married…I don’t really know why, but I want to. But 26.2 miles seems semi-ridic. Thinking about it  makes me want to die. I mean, I get bored after 30 minutes of running…I can’t even imagine hours of it. So, for now, that little dream of mine is on the back burner…or whatever that phrase is. haha!

But 5k, here I come.

*Maybe one day my posts will be legit interesting.

Joy, it’s here to stay.

I have been praying that God would reveal to me that I am where I am supposed to be…Every night, I beg Him to send me a visible reminder that I have joy in my life, right where I am. Also, I have been praying that He would give me a free spirit and an open heart…And through two pictures, Abba has shown me that I do have joy here and that He is in the process of freeing my spirit and opening my heart.

 

I know that joy isn’t dependent on the ability to laugh…but I do think that laughter is a direct effect of joy. My heart is soooooo full of joy, every day. I take it for granted. I take for granted the fact that I live within 10 minutes from my brothers…I mean, one of them is a door away. I take for granted that I have such a good relationship with my sis-n-law aka my sister. I take for granted my friends… They are awesome. They are raw, and I love that. I take for granted how these people can make me laugh until I almost pee my pants even when the future seems questionable…My life is so full of blessings.

I am continuing to pray that God opens my heart and frees my spirit even more… Joy, it’s here…with Jesus, good friends, and family… and it’s never going away…no matter where I go in life.

His heart is here...It's close, it's alive and beating.

Okay, this post is just going to be about an "inward battle" that I have been having the past few months...This is kind of a continuance of my last post...I want us to overcome this together. I want us to learn that God's heart is not in another country, but it's wherever there are people.


I feel "called" (or whatever you want to call it) to love the people that the world has tossed aside. I don't know what that means exactly in practicality, but I know that it could mean that I might move somewhere like the outskirts of a leper colony in India or Kenya, or maybe an AIDS hospital in Uganda, or a children's home in Knoxville. I don't know where this desire will take me, but it's going to take me further than I am comfortable with, no doubt. I am scared and excited. But today, I am lost...I am lost in the big picture of tomorrow. Yet, the past few months, God has been telling me to start weaving threads into the picture of my life, so that when the day comes, I can take a few steps back and see the big, beautiful picture of purpose and redemption of a simple college girl.

I have been getting out of my comfort zone over the past semester... I have been trying to live my life for my precious Savior first. Then, after Him, His beautiful people that He created. It's been hard. My soul has gone from hardened to beating with compassion and hope for these people around me. I have been through the refining fire, and the heat has been painful.

My heart has heard stories of brokenness, and as a result, my heart has been shattered more than I thought it could be. I have been taking a step out into the unknown...Sure, not in another country, but right here in Knoxville.

I was so ignorant to think that I could only love God and serve Him to my heart's capacity if I was in Africa or India (where my soul wants to be).

The thing is: God's heartbeat is so overwhelmingly strong in this city...God's heart breaks for the rich...He knows how hard it is to live for Him when we have every selfish thing we could ever want...And for this reason, He extends His grace so much in America. I sometimes believe that it is for this country that He grieves the most...A country blessed with riches but cursed with materialism. A country that ignores the needs of its own people...A country whose Church has been blessed with the materials and knowledge to change the world, yet sits paralyzed in comfort. Sometimes, when it rains, I imagine God's tears pouring down, hoping to wash us of greed.

The point: God loves the people in America, and His Spirit is moving and empowering people in huge ways.

Here are some redemption stories:

This past week, I heard the story of a woman who has been through so much darkness that I don't know how she first saw the flame of hope glowing...As she told her life's story to me, tears flowed out of my eyes, yet she stood with strength. She now gives her life to help families that are going through what she has been through at the Ronald McDonald House.

Before math class every MWF, I sat and talked to a girl whose eyes told more of a story than her words did... I would get to my car and weep for her lost heart. I would pray that I could share Jesus with her, even in some small way. God's promise that "those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy" came in a comforting wave every time my emotions took over. Each day, I sat and listened to her tell me bits and pieces of a broken story...Each day, I would smile and tell her about redemption with watery eyes. Her face would brighten for a few seconds as if what I was telling her could be possible, then her eyes would go back dark and tired. Satan had her filled with doubts of redeeming Love. I pray that one day, she finds the Hope she is desperately looking for.

As Veteran's day came this year, God reminded me of the verse that says "there is no greater love than this, that a man lays down his life for his friends." Today, I sent cards to these precious friends, reminding them that there is a college girl in Tennessee who wants to be like them when she grows up...Next week, I am going to visit a Veteran's home...God's heart is with the passionate and the fighters and the justice seekers...I can't imagine people who embody those things more than the military. I can't wait to hear these heroes' stories...I have a feeling that they are going to teach me more than I can imagine...

Next semester, I am going to be working with kids in the inner city and teenagers in a local school... These are things that intimidate me. These are things that I KNOW I can't do without His strength and grace. I am scared that I am not equipped...Yet, I want to be where His heart is...His Spirit works best in my weakness.

Each week, I go hang out with my grandmother...She's a widow. There is God's heart, friends...James 1:27 is closer than we thought.

I tell you all of this not to toot my own horn (b/c heaven knows that I am a walking wreck), but to show you that God is moving in your city in the same way that He is moving in Africa or India or Venezuela or Germany. I don't know why God is allowing me to be a part of His heartbeat to Knoxville, but He is...I am thankful that He is allowing these people to shape my heart. I am grateful for the opportunities to live the Gospel even when it's hard and when my heart longs to be somewhere else...God is still wanting to use you today, where you are. Loving and serving those people that are around you on a daily basis...that's the road Jesus wants us to walk
I challenge you to not buy into the lie that God is moving more in another country than in your city...Cultivate in your heart the eyes to see His hand in all situations, in all places.

Love. Love. Love.

The one with all the make-up.

Finals are over.

1. It is cold in K-town, UsA.

2. I stayed inside all day with my hazelnut coffee, sweat pants, fleece vest, knee high socks, no make-up, and a huge messy bun on the top of my head... I know, hott (with two t’s). Boys, eat your hearts out.

3. I cleaned out my wardrobe. I want to be as simple as possible. I think I got rid of 42 items altogether. Progress, friends, progress. I challenge you to do the same! : ) It’s a little bit refreshing. And I mean, in reality, who needs a ton of clothes?

5. I watched Friends…Hence the title of the post. I have become addicted to the show. Oh precious Jesus, send me a man with the sense of humor of Chandler Bing. Amen, yes.

6. Read some Karen Kingsbury (Even Now/ Ever after). Love her books. Check them out. You will cry like a baby and smile until your face hurts. Perfect for a day you just want to sit and weep.

7. Tonight, I put a ridic amount of make-up on…you know, just for fun. I was feeling artsy and chose make-up as my medium. Welcs to my life, beautiful people. Let’s just take a looksie at this mess and my reaction to it...(This is after I took some of it off, but you get the idea).

“Never again, never again. You look like a fool, a complete fool.”—my father. At least he speaks truth.

8. Now, I am spending my night watching The Sing-Off. I have literally been waiting a year for this sweet music nectar flowing from NBC.  P-T-L. Anyone else love it as much as I do?

9. I am in a mood for Thrift Store shopping. Love it. love it. love IT!

10. My best frayun Rae Geyer is back from Ukraine. We are going to be creepin’ it up for the next month…This is a typical picture of us, to be honest…Actually, this is one of the more normal ones…Sad, really.

 

One more item, a soul item: I want to challenge you, whatever part of life you are in, to take an hour and breathe...Take a little while to sit with Jesus and be satisfied. Ask Him to clear your head of the past and the future for just an hour or two…You see, I was talking to one of my best friends/sistas earlier today, and we talked about how we have felt suffocated lately. We both know that Abba has some exciting plans for each of us in the future because He has given us these beautiful pictures of them in our souls…But now that we have tasted the future, we want it. Anything less seems like it won’t fulfill us. We sit in class, learning about seemingly pointless things like a lecture on the history of sewer systems, and all of the sudden, the room closes in on us… We are suffocating…College becomes the enemy. We feel like we can’t breathe…It’s a place that we have all been. We want to experience something that makes us come alive…and Jesus is standing beside us saying,

“It’s ME who makes you come alive…ONLY ME. Taking care of the least of these won’t make you come alive, I promise. Finding the perfect guy isn’t going to make you come alive…I, Jesus the Redeemer, am the Creator and giver of life. Let My words sustain you. Love you, my beautiful bride…to the cross and back and then back again.”

Breathe tonight (or today)…Take a deep breath of Jesus’ love and grace. Obey and love right where you are…I mean, let’s face it: YOU, whoever you are, have been placed where you are for “such a time as this.” I don’t know about you, but I want to live in the moment. It’s how Jesus lived.

"...don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not anything else, defines your life."
1 Corinthians 7:17.

Make it home, make it safe.

I have always been a patriotic kind of person. I think my Grandpa instilled that in me…He was one of the most honorable men that I think I will ever meet. He was always sporting red, white, and blue. He loved the troops. He prayed for them. He wept with them…He knew what they were going through. When he heard about a fallen soldier in the news, he didn’t just turn the channel or flip the page…He closed his eyes; he prayed. He hurt, he broke, he remembered. He knew that they did not die in vain. He knew the price of freedom.

He didn’t talk much about his experiences in WWII, but when he did, there was pride in his eyes…But there was also pain, tears, and brokenness. I remember interviewing him for a project for school about war…I wasn’t going to interview him, but he wanted me to…It was the first time that I cried with my grandpa. His stories of war shocked me…His watery eyes as he shared with me revealed the fact that he wasn’t just answering my questions, he was reliving the pain…He talked slowly, as if each word brought another picture that he had buried. He spoke of the evils that his eyes saw, the brotherhood that he experienced, his love for America and freedom, and the fear he had. It changed me. He came back to a broken marriage, and constant memories of his friends dying before his very eyes. Grandpa is my hero, always and forever.

This week, my dad had a patient come into his office who just returned from Iraq where he worked with special operations…He told my dad of the horrible things he saw. He told him that the media is telling us that things are getting better…but they really aren’t. He talked about how there are more casualties today as there were 5 years ago. He told of friends that he saw killed. He shared stories of hope….He spoke with a passion for freedom…for Americans and Iraqis. This man is my hero.

The fallen soldier from Knoxville that I saw on the news this week…He is my hero.

The soldier that leaves his love to go fight for me…You are my hero.

The one that leaves his/her kids to fight for justice…You are my hero.

The one that misses the birth of their child or their child’s graduation for America…You are my hero.

The family left behind, worrying about their husband, wife, daddy, mommy, child, or friend…You all are my heroes.

To the family without a loved one at Christmas this year, you all are my heroes.

To the people who are my age who gave up college to protect me, you are my heroes.

I love America… I feel blessed to be here. I am thankful for the freedom that I have here…So cliché, I know.  Yet, I really feel that way. I feel an overwhelming thankfulness for the troops. This week, I have wept for the troops and their families…I have been broken for them, proud of them, and loving them. They have been heavy on my heart. I have been praying for them…praying for strength, wisdom, protection, healing, and comfort. I don’t ever want to forget their sacrifice for freedom and hope.

“You’re good, and you’re brave…What a father that you’ll be someday…Make it home, make it safe.”

Okay, check it.

If you didn’t know, I have a bucket list. One item on that list is to become artsy (whatever that means). I am starting to paint, do some photography, pottery, jewelry-making, getting a little trendy, sewing, and other awesome stuff! So, I made another blog to document my journey to becoming crafty… It will be less deep and soulful than this one (at least I think! haha!) I am keeping this one too, don’t you worry…Who am I kidding, no one is worrying! You need to check the new one out! It should be fun :) 

Subscribe to it! I am using wordpress for this blog, and I kind of love it. So, take a looksie and follow along! I am going to try posting some how-to’s once I get the hang of it! Okay, awesome! See you there! : )

http://hoppergetsartsy.wordpress.com/

LOVE. love. LOVE.

Am I willing to go to the hard places…?

Isaiah 53:3-4

³He was despised and forsaken of men,
         A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
         And like one from whom men hide their face
         He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

⁴Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
         And our sorrows He carried;
         Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
         Smitten of God, and afflicted.

sorrow: distress caused by loss, affliction, disappointment, etc.; grief, sadness, or regret.

grief: keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

This passage has been on my heart lately…I mean, completely, weighing down my heart. You know how sometimes you are awakened to TRUTH so much that you almost suffocate in it? Yet, you also feel FREED, alive, moving, HOPE.

This passage is describing Sweet Jesus…It describes His life, His character.

And shouldn’t my life look like His life?

Shouldn’t I get acquainted with grief?

Shouldn’t I be praying that God would send sorrow and grief my way so I can live Christ?

I should.

I need to, but for some reason, I find myself avoiding that prayer sometimes. I find myself wanting to share in the glory of Christ without sharing in the sorrow.

It’s easy to want to hold little kids and listen to them laugh at your silliness. BUT, it’s hard to pray that God would break your heart with these kids’ heartache and pain. It’s hard when these laughing and smiling kids go home where they get abused or don’t have any food.

It’s hard to ask God to send you pain.  It’s hard to pray “Do ANYTHING You need to do in order for me to live Your Gospel! Please send hurt, tears, pain, sickness, death, and hate my way! PLEASE! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.”

But I am at the point where I have started praying that God would acquaint me with sorrow and grief. That He would let me take a dive into the pit of despair for others. I pray that everyday, I remember how Christ dove into the muddy pit for me, so I should dive into that same mess too. I pray that I will get the opportunity to shoulder the burdens of others….that I get to grieve with others, feel sorrow in my life, and weep.

I pray that I have the courage to pray the hard things…to do the hard things..to dive into the pain, swim around, and sing songs of thanks when I feel like I am drowning…

I pray that you have the courage to pray the hard things, to do the hard things too.

A few random things:

SOOOO.

1. I really want to live in the apartment from Friends. It’s in Greenwich Village in NYC. LOVE. It’s an awesome place with a lot of character. It kind of has a small-town feel that I just absolutely love. I have decided that I want to live there for at least a year after college. Greenwich Village, that is...not the Friends Apartment.

2. I am really trying to figure out where God wants to take me…I know that is such a cliché thing to say, but I really am just seeking His heart. I want to be wherever His heartbeat is.

3. I am trying to decide on school next year. I love UT, I really do. BUT I feel that I need to get out of my parent’s house…I need to leave. I love my family, but I think that I need to leave them.

4. I am doing some big-time serious praying about summer plans. I feel like God is giving me a plethora of choices…And He is letting me decide. I feel His blessing and His hand on all of them. I just need to pray about what experience will be best for me to use in the future. So, if you are one of the few that reads this blog, I ask that you would pray for me…that I would hear God’s voice saying, “This is the way, walk in it.”

5. I am sick, and finals are around the corner. It’s a pain, but it happens.

LOVE LOVE LOVE.

"Yes, Lord."

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
--Donald Miller.

I read this in one of Miller's books a few months ago, and it has kind of been haunting me ever since...I think the key to this is the decision to leave or to stay. To change or to remain. To love or to become complacent. To follow or to ride the fence. To give or to hoard. To love recklessly or to love with caution. To exist or to live. On paper, the choice is obvious. In life, it's also obvious, but we chose to side with caution and comfort.

It's the same fork in the road that the Rich young ruler faced. He asked Jesus what it would take to follow Him, and Jesus plainly said, "Sell everything you have, and follow Me...Give up your comfort, your gods, your life. Then, follow me to TRUE life..."

In this story, I find myself. I am the rich young ruler. Scratch that. I am not a ruler. But I am an American girl with a loving family and a comfortable living situation who has a love for scarves and jewelry. I mean, yes, I definately love Jesus. I really do. But, to be completely straight with you, I struggle with following Him. I have to sometimes "leave" to follow Him. I sometimes need to give up time with those that I love to follow Him. Sometimes, following Him means that I sit with someone who no one else wants to sit with...Sometimes, I need to give up that $60 pair of perfectly-fitting GAP jeans to follow Him. And I usually either do it while kicking and screaming or I say "not now." I see the cost as too high, and I walk away sad--just like the rich young ruler. I hate it, but I do it.

I am learning to answer Jesus with "Yes, Lord."
Will you give it all up for Me? "Yes, Lord."
Will you give up your dreams? "Yes, Lord."
Would you give up your family? "Yes, Lord."
Would you give up your friends? "Yes, Lord."
Would you give up school? "Yes, Lord."

"Yes, Lord." That's every Christian's calling--to just respond with "Yes, Lord."

Today is the day.

Today is a day of thanks. It's a day of love and grace when you don't feel like you can give either of the two to the people around you. Today is a day to look at the light afflictions, and choose to never lose heart. It's a day to talk to that girl that has pain in her eyes. It's a day to read the Word of God like it is the most beautiful and priceless gift ever given to you...because it is. It's a day to pray more than you talk. A day to look into the face of the Creator and Sustainer, and fall to your knees. It's a day to forget what is behind you, b/c if you look back, you might just go back. Look ahead. Today is an adventure. Walk further than you ever have today. Hug more than you thought possible. Laugh without holding back. Smile when someone hurts you. Thank someone for their kindness. Live your passion. If not, your soul will die. Dream bigger, and then move forward. Too many people have dreams that they never put into action; don't be one of them. Live life with reckless abandon. Today is the day.

...this is what I want my life to be like.

Words of Wisdom:

"Do not waste your time chasing after the perfect guy. Rather, run toward Christ and after you've been running for a while, take a look around and see who is running with you!"--Somebody aka Anonymous.

Cause all I ever had were these redemption songs...

I am a firm believer in the fact that God stories still happen. I believe that God, the Creator and Sustainer of life, looks into our hearts and guides us step by step into His plan for us. He sees our inner-most, hidden desires, and He uses His Spirit to start bringing them to the surface. Eventually, those dreams that circumstances quench, His Spirit quickens. He brings them so much to the surface that we see that His true, fulfilling, and purpose-filled life hides in these suppressed desires.

God stories are our life stories. There's a plot in place from the beginning, but we try to twist it and manipulate it because we believe it will be a better, more-fulfilling story. We try to choose an option B or C, but somehow inside, we know that out Spirit is only freed when we figure out plan A. So, we spend our whole lives trying to slow down the plot...We say that we don't know His dreams for us. Then, finally, we realize that maybe we always knew those dreams. We realize that maybe, just maybe, our childhood dreams that we let go of were there for a reason. Maybe as children, full of life, faith, and possibilities, God gives us His desires for our lives...but as we go to college, those dreams seem illogical and unrealistic, but our souls call these things thrilling and life-giving. We come to a fork in the road. We must decide between God given desires in our souls or the world's quest for success.

A few days ago, I embraced my soul's desires. I threw away my attempts to change the world while still always having financial stability...I threw away the idea of telling people's stories, and I picked back up the dream of helping teenagers change their stories. I want to help them sing out REDEMPTION SONGS.

Redemption is at work in our hearts everyday...Always, always, always sing out the REDEMPTION SONG.

The men in my life ROCK.

Today was filled with all of my favorite men.
Dad.


Dad loves my facial expressions. He thinks they are the best thing in the world. He always talks about how big my eyes are. He and I are the same person in a lot of ways. We are realistic, but we are also dreamers. We both have this passion to live lives of following Jesus every day. We both laugh at nothing, and we are semi-loud. Poor Mom. It drives her crazy sometimes. He teaches me what a man of God is. Love, respect, encouragement, vulnerability, strength, and leadership.

Matt (left) and Phillip (right). They don't actually look like this...or wear these things. It is Halloween.


Matt.
Matt reminds me what it means to care. He cares about the church. He has this desire to lead people in worship. And he lives his life with such rawness. He doesn't claim to have it altogether. He doesn't claim to be an awesome Christian. He just wants to love Jesus with his everything. He teaches me that men of God care, worship, and live with passion.

Phillip.
Phillip is the perfect guy. I pray that God sends me a guy with his character. I told Phil that tonight. I don't know how a guy can measure up to the standard of a man of God Phillip has set in my life. He doesn't talk a lot about his faith, but he lives it with such boldness that no one can deny it. He has an integrity that I long for. He also makes me laugh until I can't breathe. He is the best storyteller ever. He keeps me grounded, and he challenges me to chase after God's heart. He has a desire to be a father to the fatherless, and I love that about him. He is a servant to all those he comes in contact with. He is never relaxing. He is always helping people. Phillip shows me that a man of God lives with integrity, boldness, humor, and as a servant to all.


I am so thankful for these men that God has placed in my life. I love them so stinkin' much. It's just ridiculous how much I care about them.

A Prayer:

"May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, So that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. May God bless you with tears To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war, So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them And turn their pain into joy. And may God bless you with enough foolishness To believe that you can make a difference in the world, So that you can do what others claim cannot be done To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor. Amen."

-Anonymous.

Real Talk #15: Babies, redemption , and love.

While walking on Pedestrian Walkway today, I saw a table set up. Nothing out of the ordinary. There are always tables for politicians and churches. I went a little closer. On the table were baby dolls, cut into pieces, ripped apart, with fake blood on them. As I listened to the people who were at the table talk (maybe I should say "yell"), I started getting so frustrated. They were each yelling out different things.

"You see these babies? This is what you are doing to your child if you have an abortion! Blood is everywhere on your soul!"
"God hates baby murderers!"
"God turns His back on you when you commit this sin!"

I was mad. I was about to scream. I was about to walk up to these people who called themselves Christians and give them a piece of my mind. But all I could do was...cry.

I watched college student after college student walk by, stare, roll their eyes, and keep going.


Now, listen. Don't get me wrong. I am very pro-life. But I could not believe the way that these people were sharing their beliefs. Screaming, anger, and more screaming.

They were coming in contact with broken and hurting college students, and all they did was scream.

When people are being "witnessed" to, I understand that they could walk away feeling angry or upset(rich young ruler). They could leave feeling heavy because they find the cost of following Christ to be too high. The Cross is offensive. I get that. I do. Anything Christian in our culture is controversial. People will get mad. But. They should never leave upset because of the way I spoke to them. My words are to be filled with GRACE.

(((But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect. 1 Peter 3:15.)))

People should leave with Hope. They should leave with strength. They should leave with Joy. They should leave feeling loved and cared for. They should leave feeling that they saw Jesus in our eyes.

You can tell people that something is wrong without screaming in their faces. I promise.

What if these protesters would have loved those that they came in contact with today? What if they would have come with a message of Hope, forgiveness, and strength? What if they would have smiled when people walked by? What if they would have shared redemption? What if they would have shared the beauty of adoption? What if they would have come broken for people who have no hope rather than with a message of hate? What if they would have left the screaming at home and put on a coat of grace instead? What if they would have spoken words of life rather than death? What if they would have stood for what is right with love?

I feel like people would listen to Christians standing on the side of pro-life if we lived what we talk about. If we say to women that every life is valuable, then we need to act like it. When we drive beside a homeless man, we need to look at him the same way that we look at our friends. We know that there are millions of children starving physically, emotionally and spiritually...So, we need to do something about it. We say that all humans have equal value, so we need to help stop little girls from being sold into slavery. We tell women that their children could impact the world one day, so we need to impact the world today... We tell them that we stand on the side of "life," so our words need to give life. We tell them that they could put their babies up for adoption, so we need to adopt.
Why should they believe anything we say if we don't live it?

The thing is, there are sweet babies' precious lives on the line, and there are women's souls on the line.

Number of abortions per year: Approximately 42 Million.
Number of abortions per day: Approximately 115,000.

Crazy, right?

I want a woman to believe me when I say that I believe her baby's life is precious and beautiful... I want her to believe me because I treat everyone like their lives are beautiful and precious. I want them to see me value all people's lives. I want them to believe that the bride of Christ WILL value each child's life. I want them to believe me when I say that God passionately LOVES her child...and He passionately LOVES her, too.

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18.

LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

A few scattered thoughts:

1. As much as I hate to say it, Braveheart is an awesome movie...I hadn't ever watched it all the way through until this weekend. Sure, I had heard all the hype...I have heard the multiple sermon illustrations, but I had never seen the movie. There are some major spiritual applications in it, for sure. Passion, mission, adventure.

2. I love Frank Sinatra. If a man wants to win my heart, he might just need to sing Frank Sinatra songs to me. I don't even care if it sounds good.

3. I do believe that Brad Paisley knows the heart of a woman. Love. his. music.

4. The Prodigal Son. Studying that parable the past few days. I'll write thoughts on it later.

5. I love fall so much that it's just stupid.

6. I just really love Jesus a lot (more than I love fall, Frank Sinatra, and Brad Paisley combined). I mean, really, I don't even know what else to say... I just love Him with every ounce of me.

7. For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and FOR Him.--Colossians 1:16. Life is not about me. My life is for HIM...to give glory to Him. So often, we buy into the idea that life is a story revolving around us. That is so untrue. Life is about Him...it's for Him.

Real Talk 15: "I don't want to grow old with you and sit in rockers on the front porch..."

I was talking with a few girls the other day, and one of them said something interesting...

She said,

"I can't wait to graduate, fall in love, get married, get a dog, settle down, and have kids, be a stay-at-home mom...Then, my husband and I will send them to college, he will retire, and then we will sit on our front porch in rocking chairs together every night until we die..."

As she said this, I cringed...I mean, literally I almost threw up thinking about a life like that...

It's all about romance, money, and relaxation. It sounds good.

It's the American Dream.

The thing is...I don't think I want it.

I think the "American Dream" is a tragedy.

If my end goal is to sit on the front porch in a rocking chair, I don't want any of the stuff that comes before it.

Don't get me wrong...I want to graduate, fall madly and recklessly in love, get married, and heaven knows I want a big dog to take on walks... I want to have kids, send them to college, blah blah blah.

BUT I desire more than that.

More than marriage, I want to have a reckless love for my Savior.

I want to make a difference in people's lives.

I want to give more money than I can afford.

I want kids, but I want to teach them to follow Christ, not just to go to college.

I don't want to sit in a rocking chair next to my husband until I die, I want to hold his hand as we walk the crazy journey Abba puts us on...

I don't want to just be a wife who cooks and cleans...I want to be a friend, an encourager, a challenger.

I don't want to "just be a stay at home mom"... I want to be a mom that pours her heart and love into her kids' lives...I want to teach them to love and laugh more than they breathe...I want to be a mom to those who don't really have a mom.

There is so much more to life than the American Dream...There are people to love, places to experience, orphans to love, planes to jump off of, books to write, and HOPE to share with a broken world...

I don't want to live the American Dream...I want to live the Gospel...no matter what the cost.

So, the man in my future better be ready to hear this...

"I don't want to grow old with you and sit in rockers on the front porch...I just don't..."

I want more than that. We are meant for more than that.

Real Talk #14: Dating.

I feel like the subject doesn't get enough "real talk" these days.

This week, I have seen relationships begin, end, and grow. So, I thought I would write down some thoughts about dating.

Thoughts...take them or leave them:

1. I will just go ahead and tell you that I'm not someone who sees the point of the whole "date around until you find someone to marry" deal. In fact, I think it is quite damaging for many reasons. Ever since I was in middle school, I looked at dating and cringed.

This seems to be the typical dating relationship:

The girl flirts until she wins a boy over. A boy is a gentleman until he charms a girl enough to get her to fall for him. Each person gives everything to the other person, and then BAM! It's over 6 months later...One person is blamed for the break up, and the other person drowns in the idea that they are merely a victim. Each person says horrible things about the other person. They have emotional break downs. They don't know how to live without the other person. There is heart ache. Then, eventually, each moves on and dates someone else. Then, it repeats, repeats, repeats.

People say that dating is to find someone to marry. So, in my head, I think of one question when I hear this: if that's true, why does it look so much like divorce? Isn't that ironic?

I have been told by so many people (Christian people, might I add) that I should just date around to find the guy that I will marry. People will say, "You don't even have to consider marrying them...You will see what you want and don't want in a guy when you date around...When you decide that you have had enough, just end it. No big deal."

I usually smile at them, thank them for the advice, and then throw it in the trash. This advice is SO STINKIN' destructive. It makes me sick. And to be straight up with you, I think this kind of thing makes Abba sick too.

I don't need to date around to find out what kind of guy I should marry. Why not? B/c I have God's Word to tell me what a man of God is. I have the Holy Spirit to guide me towards the right guy.

2. When you bad mouth your ex-girlfriend, it shows me your character. If you can't keep yourself from speaking words that tear down when you are hurt, you aren't ready to date to begin with.

3. When you break up with someone and then try to find another relationship to get involved in, you should not be dating. You obviously depend on a relationship to find your identity. And boys, I will just go ahead and let you know, that's not attractive.

4. If your primary goal in life is to get married, there is a problem with your heart...

5. If you are not finding satisfaction in Christ before you date/get married, there are going to be some MAJOR issues when you are in a relationship with a sinful, selfish human.

These are just some observations. I have another post coming that will probably be more thought out.

Real Talk #13: Do not grieve the Spirit of God.

Do you ever read Scripture and it feels like it might have been written just for you to read?

Today, I had one of those days.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30AND do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4.

Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. The word "and" is a conjunction... You might ask, "Conjunction junction what's your function?" (Thank you Schoolhouse Rock.) A conjunction's purpose is to join things together. So, the use of the word "And" ties verses 29 and 30 together...It shows there there is a connection between grieving the Spirit and unwholesome, destroying words...

Chan puts it better than I can:

"The Spirit is GRIEVED when there is a breach in relationship, whether it be with God or other people. When we are disunified, unloving, hateful, jealous, gossipy, etc, that is when we grieve the Spirit of God. And since He is the creator of emotions, I believe that He grieves more deeply than we can ever understand...I believe that if we truly cared about the Holy Spirit's grief, there would be fewer fights, divorces, and splits in our churches. Maybe it's not due to a lack of belief but rather a lack of concern. I pray for the day when believers care MORE ABOUT THE SPIRIT'S GRIEF THAN THEIR OWN."

When I read this in Chan's book, I just sat and stared at the page. I went back to Ephesians to read it all in context, and there it was.

I am in the process of finding areas of my life that GRIEVE the Spirit of God...areas that I never thought there was a problem. The Spirit knows our hearts and motives, and He is grieved when He sees bitterness, anger, and words of destruction.

Today as I read this passage in Ephesians, it cut my heart open and exposed all the nastiness that was inside. I literally sat and just wept about all the times in the past months (and even today) that I have grieved the Spirit of God with my words and actions.

There has to be a change in the way I speak. There has to be a change in the way I deal with the bride of Christ.

I really don't have much else to say about this right now, b/c I don't think I have processed it all the way.

Two Knee Caps?

Oh, no, that's just a knot from where I fell today.

I was walking to my car after class, and my clumsy self fell down...on gravel. Like really? Welcome to my life. No one was in sight, so luckily, I escaped with my dignity. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I literally sat there and CRACKED UP for 3 minutes. Seriously, how can you not laugh when something like that happens?

I am still laughing about this. Never a dull moment.

Real Talk #12. I belong.

"...you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." (1 Peter:9-10).


I think that we often get caught up in the "I do not deserve Jesus' salvation" stage. That is truth. We don't deserve His redemption. I have done nothing to deserve to be a part of HIS FAMILY, but here I am, a part of the family of God. Amazing. Sometimes, I think that I just don't fit into His fam. I am dirty and ugly. But Jesus gives me His righteousness so that His Abba can be my Abba. That's love. Love is at the center of the family of God. Grace is permeated throughout it. I am not only a part of this beautiful family, but I BELONG there. I belong to Abba. I am HIS. I am not just some visiting family member that no one knows...I am a beloved child. I fit in. You fit in. I don't deserve it, you don't deserve it, we don't deserve it.

Summary: We don't deserve to be a part of His family, but the thing is, we ARE a part of His family...WE BELONG.

Live in the comfort of the family of God. Community is vital. The Father's love is even more vital.

Today, sit and think about how you BELONG in the family. You fit in. You are chosen. You are beloved. You are made beautiful by Christ's redemption.

Real Talk: #11. "I can emotionally handle this now..."

Do you ever have one of those moments where something seems like a good idea, when in reality, it probably wasn't?
Today, I had one of those moments (and the pic is of my "That was a stupid idea that I had" face).

It was more of a "I think I can emotionally handle this now" moment.

I went to get gas...Norm.
I saw the graveyard that my Grandpa is buried in right up the street...Norm.
I thought to myself, "I miss him." Norm.
Then, I thought, "I wonder if Grandma has put fall flowers on his grave..." Semi-norm.
"I think I should go see if she has." not norm.

At the time, it seemed like a good idea.

This was my thought process as I was driving up there:

"This isn't a big deal. I mean, sure, his body is there, but he is in heaven with Jesus... It's not a big deal...Besides, I am over the crying and hurt stage...I'm not grieving anymore... He's been gone for almost 2 years...I should have gone to see his grave months ago... I wasn't ready then, but I can handle it now...Okay, just a little bit further... I'm not going to cry. It's just a marble stone with his name on it...I am over it. I've moved on...I know he is gone. It's okay...My heart has healed. I am just going to see the flowers...No biggie."

Then, I pulled in. Without warning, my mind went on a journey back to last February...

A mental video of the day we buried Grandpa came back so vividly. I was wearing a black dress with a yellow necklace and black pointy-toe'd shoes...I had make-up on b/c I thought that I wouldn't cry b/c Grandpa wasn't really gone, was he? The hearse sitting on the driveway...All of us standing together in the bitter cold of February to say "See you later" to someone who we loved...All of us trying to make each other laugh and smile to keep the tears to a minimum. Grandma sat in the car for as long as she could...just trying to stay warm, but really so she could delay saying bye to her husband...I looked up to the sky and asked God, "Where are you? I am surrounded on every side by death and heartache..." He moved the clouds so the sun could come out...There He was. Peaking through the clouds.

Back to present.
I sat in my car. Took a deep breath and stepped out. Every step felt like a million miles...I spotted the pretty fall flowers. Beautiful. I stood there and read the grave marker...Charles Ernest Mink, Sr. Veteran. April 23, 1925-February 20, 2009.

I just stood there, staring at the flowers.

And all of the sudden, I was crying, weeping, hurting all over again.

I ran back to my car. Literally, ran. I couldn't take it. I thought I was okay now? Why do I feel the same way I did the last time I was here? I started the car, and rested my head on my steering wheel... Still crying. I couldn't breathe. I started coughing and gagging...I told Jesus that I was still hurting so much...I told Him that I am more broken than I thought I was. I told Him that I am still grieving. I literally wept all the way home...I kept saying, "Why, Abba? Why? Why haven't you taken this pain away...? Why? Why? Why, why, why."

People always say "The pain gets better with time..."

In all seriousness, it doesn't. Sure, you don't cry every day. You go a long time without even thinking about it. Then, it creeps up. And it's unbearable pain. Ridiculous pain. About to throw-up kind of pain. The "legs don't work, falling onto your knees" kind of pain.


But, I thought about why the pain is still there...And I honestly don't know. Your heart remembers people who affected your life. Hearts break when those people leave.

But I think one reason is that every time you feel the pain, you are reminded that you can't get through life alone. You remember that you need community...that you need Jesus. You remember how He carried you through those days... and you remember that warmth you found in His embrace.

Abba doesn't like to see you weep and hurt and break...Emotions like these are of earth...

Yet, Abba uses these moments of desperation to remind you who. HE. is.

And God is good. He is ALWAYS good. He makes GOOD out of the bad.

If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;
if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath.--Psalm 34:18.

Scattered.

Today looked a lot like this picture.

My mind is in a state of "blah" about a lot of things going on...I have so many burdens about different things...(I know, so vague...) I will update the blog some more when I feel a little less scattered.


"You have said, 'Seek My face.' My heart says to You, 'Your face, LORD, I will seek...'" (Psalm 27:8).


The Spirit keeps bringing this verse to mind...In the chaos, "YOUR face, LORD, I will seek."

Real Talk: #10. GRACE.

"All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away..." Isaiah 64:6.

I chose this picture...Well, b/c it is disgustingly ugly... Just like my heart. Sad analogy. hahahaha. I am just trying to have a pic with all my posts.

My righteousness is like a filthy rag...It's useless...Gross...Smells bad...Not a pretty sight.

"You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you." Psalm 16:2.

I am covered in dirt without His righteousness. I am dead in sin without Him.

With HIM, I am the BRIDE of Christ, alive and able to breathe. Beautiful and without blemish in His sight...

How in tha world does that even happen?

GRACE. Sweet Jesus' GRACE allows me to wear a beautiful white, flowing dress every day. His righteousness allows me to come before ABBA without fear.

"My old self has been crucified with Christ.It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not treat the GRACE of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die..." Galatians 2:20-21.


Today, I am thankful for His GRACE.

I WILL NOT TREAT THE GRACE OF GOD AS MEANINGLESS...

Real Talk #9: Be real.

My night was filled with The Wedding Planner (J-LO & Matthew McConaughey)and good ole Southern Gospel music with Grandma. Priceless. I wouldn't trade precious times like these for anything in the world.


During the Saturday night Gospel hour (hahah, I think it's funny that I even watched this...I am not a Southern Gospel fan...at all), I heard a song that contained these words:

"Remind us, oh Father, that around us every day, the innocent eyes are watching...May they see our lives and say, 'I see real people with real struggles, real lives bruised in real ways...and there is real JOY and real HOPE...And through it all, I found real faith.'"

This is REAL TALK.

Like, what can I even add to that?

People are looking for HOPE. REAL HOPE. They are looking for REAL people with REAL struggles that have REAL faith.

Be real today.

Real Talk #8: I believe in...

I believe in the power of Love.
The love of a precious and tender, yet mighty, Savior.
The love of a family.
The love of a friend.
The love in a child's eyes.
The love that is filled with vulnerability between a man and a woman.
I believe in selfless, wonder-filled LOVE.


I believe in Grace.
The Grace of Abba.
The grace in His eyes.
The grace of parents' words when they don't approve of their child's decisions.
The grace of a friend.
I believe in beautiful, life-giving GRACE.


I believe in Forgiveness.
The Forgiveness that poured from the hands of Christ.
The forgiveness that hurts to give.
The forgiveness that seems impossible to do.
The forgiveness that a child gives to a parent that sold them into slavery.
I believe in painful, weight-reducing FORGIVENESS.

Real Talk #7: Beating, beating, beating.

A few years ago, I decided that I want to be where Jesus is. Wherever the heart of God is, that's where my heart will be. So, I began praying that He would reveal to me where He is...Sure, I knew that His presence was everywhere...but I think I really wanted to know where His heart was. I mean, I go to class on a daily basis, but my heart is not there. I go to class, do what I have to do, talk to people, etc. I am still the same Rachel, but I am just less passionate about it...Sometimes, I feel like Jesus was the same way while on earth. And sometimes, I feel like God is the same way today...His presence is every where, He loves all His people, He works among all people, but there are some places that He just loves to be, places that make His smile bigger. I think His smile is bigger when there is joy in the midst of pain. I think His smile is bigger when a little girl who has never known love feels the arms of a forever mommy and daddy around her for the first time. I think His smile is bigger when He sees one of His children live selflessly. But, really, where is God's heart? Where do we find it?

I have started looking for Jesus' heart. I started in Scripture...Every time that I read a verse that shows where the heart of God is, I write it down...If there is some lifestyle that God talks about, I write it down. If there is something that God hates, I write it down. A lot of them have one thing in common. I will post another blog with those verses tomorrow probs... but I will sum them up for you.

God is everywhere. He is working everywhere. But He is really passionate about faith with obedience, loving the orphans, the widows, the poor, the lepers, the hurt, the broken, the passionate, the seeking, and those that are running from Truth. He is really passionate about justice. That's where His heart is.

Scripture after Scripture reveals that. He is in favor of those that live the Gospel more than those that talk about it (Read James and you will see that). He hates when religious leaders "close the door of heaven in men's faces." (Matthew 23)He isn't a fan of sacrifices without a broken Spirit (Psalm 51:17). He isn't a fan of worship songs if there is no worship by obedience to His Word. He isn't a fan of a church if it lives in its four walls. He isn't a fan of people giving 10 percent of their incomes. He isn't a fan of people who ignore the needs of others. He isn't a fan of self-centered politics. He is a fan of justice, showing compassion, living by His Spirit, reading and living His Word, and loving people. He isn't always a big fan of churches, but He is a fan of THE BRIDE.


I have been to multiple churches over the past few years. (Sometimes, I just get sick of the same church over and over.)

I have learned that the church can be pretty, and it can be a whore...and I am no exception.


Sometimes, there is an undeniable beauty in the church. Sometimes, I hear a prayer that is so raw that it brings me chill bumps. Sometimes, I hear a song of praise flowing from the mouth of someone who has recently lost their mom or dad. Sometimes, I hear a pastor talk about how it's all about Jesus. Sometimes, I experience true community at church. Sometimes, I see God's hand in things at church. Sometimes, I see people who live out their faith. Sometimes, I see encouragement. Sometimes, I see men that lead their families with self-control and integrity. Sometimes, I see families that care for the orphans. Sometimes, I see Hope in people's eyes...Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes.

Sometimes, I stand during worship and wonder where God is among the people smiling fake smiles and singing selfish worship songs that are more about us than God. Sometimes, I listen to a preacher preach things that are out of context. Sometimes, I sit and listen to preachers in churches or on TV that yell things that are just ridiculous...Sometimes, I hear preachers that teach really arrogant things. Sometimes, I hear practiced prayers that I think God closes His ears to. Sometimes, I hear people ask God why He isn't listening to their cry to Him and I think of Proverbs 21:13..."If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered." Sometimes, I hear a praise team sing that it's all about Jesus...and then the pastor gets up and talks about how awesome the band sounded. Sometimes, I see people take communion like it's an afternoon snack that tastes really bad. Sometimes, I see a praise team and choir that is putting on a performance...Sometimes, I see a pastor on tv that is known in his community as one of the rudest, most money-centered people anyone has have ever met. Sometimes, I hear lessons that have no heart behind them. Sometimes, I hear people using hate-filled words. Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes.

Sometimes, I pray that God would show me where His heart is...And I can't feel His heart beating in the church. Sometimes, I wake up and say, "Hey God, where are you today?" I go to church; He's no where in sight. I step outside, go to Panera, and sit next to an old man reading a book about war and I see brokenness and pain in his eyes, and I feel God's heart. I sing a song in a church with millions of dollars worth of speakers in their sanctuary, and I can't feel the heart beat of God. I walk out, meet a friend for lunch, hear her talk about how she doesn't know how she is going to make it through the storm that is upon her...I find His heart beat. I sit and hear a guy who is apparently a Jesus-follower talk about how he just wants a career that gets him a lot of money so he can have a big house and a nice car...I can't feel His heart beat. I sit across from a girl who wants to change the world, cries at night about the brokenness that she sees around her, wants to love the abandoned, and wants to give everything she has for her Savior, and I can all of the sudden feel His pulse in her soul's dream. I sit in a classroom at a Christian school and hear people say, "PRAISE THE LORD! God is good, all the time! He is so faithful!" then see them ignore someone's needs in the hallway, and I can't hear the heart beat of God. I sit down with a guy who tells me that he has really messed up a lot in his life and knows He doesn't deserve God's grace...He tells me that he needs Jesus, but he isn't good enough for His love...I feel the pulse of the heart of God strong against my hand. I sit in a business meeting where they are talking about repainting the church, and I can't feel His heart...I read about a church who meets under a tree, rain or shine, and I feel His heart. I think about living a life with a husband, two kids, and a pretty house in the suburbs, and I can't feel His heart...I think about living a life with beautifully diverse children in a barely big enough house...There's His heart beat again. Beating, beating, beating.

...God's heart is with the broken, the people who realize that they are part of a people undeserving of grace just like the prodigal son. God is with the the child who dreams. God is with the couple who lives a like of reckless abandon for their Redeemer. God is with the orphans...God is with the little girl in the darkness of the night of prostitution in Atlanta (yes, Atlanta), Mumbai, and Bangkok ...God is with the man dying of cancer...the mom dying of AIDS. God is with the woman whose husband left her for a younger woman...God's heart is beating, beating, beating in the midst of brokenness. If the church isn't with the broken, then I am not sure if the church really knows the heart of God.

Jesus is REDEEMER. He is looking for those that are in need of REDEMPTION. We are the REDEEMED. We should be looking for those in need of REDEMPTION. Jesus is HOPE. He finds His place of dwelling among the HOPELESS. We have HOPE, we should go out to the HOPELESS. Jesus is JUSTICE, He makes RIGHT the INJUSTICE. We know JUSTICE, so we should make RIGHT the INJUSTICE. Jesus is LIGHT, so He goes to the DARKNESS to shine. We have His LIGHT, so we should go into the DARKNESS.

I want to be where Jesus is.

Real Talk #6. List of Five.

First, I have recently seen a blog by this woman who writes these posts that she says are straight from God's mouth. And they are ridiculous messages reeking of arrogance and straight up heresy. I write some things that Abba speaks to my heart on this blog, but if these messages do not line up with Scripture, there is a MAJOR problem and you should call me out on it. Whenever you feel the Spirit speaking to your soul, and it is not lining up with God's Truth in Scripture, you are more than likely NOT hearing Truth. God talks in Scripture. That is why Scripture memorization and meditation are so vital...Amen. Yes. PTL. That's my soap box.

Second, I miss a lot of my friends...Sad story.


Third, I love fall.

Fourth, I love hazelnut coffee.


Five, it's fall breakkkkkk.

Real Talk #5. Walk it Out.

Do you ever talk to someone and they tell you a huge story about how God told them exactly what He wants them to do? I have. Honestly, I feel uncomfortable when that happens. Maybe it's because I have never ever had that happen to me...And to be completely real with you, I don't expect that to ever happen to me.

Last year, I prayed for Abba to show me what school to go to... I literally prayed night and day about it...I asked for a clear sign, and I didn't get one. I narrowed it down between a state university, a Christian college, and Uganda. He didn't tell me which one was His plan. He just said, "Do something." I answered, "But which one?" His answer came through a peace about EVERY.SINGLE.ONE.OF.THEM.

Sometimes, I think that we complicate things. We act like we don't know what He wants, so we live our lives just trying to figure out exactly what He wants us to do in the future. And He is shouting, "JUST DO SOMETHING! You are so caught up in future plans that you forget that I have a plan for today...My plan is for you to love Me and love others...That's it. Just go somewhere and do it...Uganda, India, the Philippines, Mexico, Seattle, New York City, Knoxville, wherever...Just do it!"

Sure, I think that some people get called to a specific country or job...But, I haven't been so far. I haven't experienced some CRAZY sign telling me where to go... All I know is that He wants me to LOVE. I keep asking where He wants me to put my love into action, and He just keeps whispering, "Go with your heart on this...I will use you anywhere."

I believe that when we are truly seeking His plan, living in His word, and obeying Him, we can trust the desires of our hearts...

All I have ever known is that I am called to live ABOVE the norm. I am called to love Him, love others, and change the world. I think He wants me to love the orphans of the world because I have dreams about it and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the nights, and James 1:27 and Proverbs 31:8-9 just come to mind...I think I am going to be a writer one day because I love writing and telling stories through written words. I trust that His plans are bigger than mine. They always are. I think that He may be preparing me to give up everything to love Him and others. That's all I know. When it comes down to it, His plan for me is just LOVE.

So, daily, I want to live this out...I don't want to wait til the future to start...I will start today.

Real Talk #4: Real Love.

"Love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self."-Momma T.

Momma T had obviously been digging into God's Word when she wrote this...There is not one place in Scripture that says that love is easy. NO WHERE. It says that love means giving up your own wants, dying to self, leaving behind your family and friends, having compassion (literally feeling the pain and brokenness of others), living in obedience, and even dying.

God's love is not like the world's. The world says that you deserve love. Abba says, "You don't deserve love, but I give it freely out of My Grace." The world says that when someone hurts you, you should leave them behind and never forgive them. Abba says, "They hurt you? Love them with action and truth." HIS LOVE is REAL LOVE.

It cost us everything to love with the love that Abba calls us to. It WILL hurt. It WILL empty us of ourselves. Those are the signs of REAL LOVE.

Paul's love for Jesus and the Gospel took him to prison over and over and over.
Think about it. Precious Jesus' love for His Abba took Him to the cross to save a world that HATED Him.

The kind of love that Jesus calls us to live is a selfless love that is put to action through obedience.

When we love Jesus, we will follow Him...When we follow HIM, we leave our selfish desires behind. That hurts.

When we love Jesus, we have to love Him more than our family...Sometimes, we must leave our family...That seems like a high price.

When we love Jesus, we will love His Bride. Let's face it, His bride is sometimes a whore (selling itself to the things of this world). Straight-up. That takes real love.

When we love the widows and the orphans, we are going to be broken.

When we love our enemies, we are going to feel drained.

When you love with REAL love, there are going to be nights where you can't sleep b/c you are carrying someone else's burden because it was too heavy for them to carry alone.

REAL LOVE brings JOY and laughter and smiles...BUT it also has a cost...but the cost is worth it...

HIS LOVE is REAL LOVE.

Let Him pour His Love into you, then pour that REAL LOVE into others' lives...

Real Talk #3: Beautifully Raw.

I have designated October as Real Talk month... It's good for the soul.


I don't usually like to post preaching and all that kind of stuff...I don't know why...I just don't...But this, this is REAL. The quote from Real Talk #2 is from this girl...She is speaking TRUTH to a generation that is broken and seeking more than religion...She uses spoken word...It is beautiful. and raw. Give it a listen.

Real Talk #2: My Calling is NOT...

First, I would like to say that I do believe that I threw away 6 hours of my life today watching football (Luckily, I spent those hours multitasking...cleaning, studying, laundry, reading, etc). Which two games did I watch? LSU/Tennessee. and Alabama. I really don't think that Florida deserves to be mentioned in the game title. It was Alabama and more bama. Too much Bama for my liking, to be honest. As much as I LOVE hearing about McElroy's winning streak since high school, I would love someone to beat him. Amen and amen.

Now, onto the true subject of this post.

I read something today that completely describes what my heart has been feeling the past 6 months probably.

"I needed desperately to be close to Jesus, so I went searching in the one place I’ve always been able to find Him: among the least of these. I felt the heart of God racing wildly within me as His tears became mine. There are a lot of things and people in this life that I have lost; that’s life. The one thing I cannot afford to ever let go of is God’s heart. Some would say that I am crazy and continually put myself in danger; I suppose I can’t contest. It’s just that, to me, there is a greater danger that I fear. I would rather lose my life than to lose His heart..."-Katy Coffman.

That is raw, real, and exactly what my heart has been crying out to precious Jesus. I want His heart more than my next breath. I want His life more than all the Viva La Juicy perfume in the entire world. I don't care where He tells me to go or what He tells me to do...I will do whatever it takes to keep my heart in tune with HIS. I want Him. I want Him. I want Him. I want Him. I want Him. I want Him. I NEED HIM.

I don't know how I can know how passionate and crazy the Love and Grace of Sweet Jesus is and remain unchanged. IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. but you know what? I remained unchanged for longer than I want to admit...

I don't know how it took me so stinkin' long to realize that my heart was divided between Him and the world.

As each day goes by, He keeps whispering into my heart THIS TRUTH:
“This is what I, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, say: My love for My bride, Rachel Hopper, is passionate and strong! Don't you see? Give me your everything...Take a drink of my love and be satisfied. The world just makes you more thirsty...Drink in My love for you..." (Zech. 1:14).

I am His.

Before anything else, I am called to be a Jesus-lover, Jesus-follower, and Jesus-worshiper. That is my calling.

My calling is NOT to be a daughter...


My calling is not to be a sister...


My calling is not to be a granddaughter...


My calling is not to be a friend...


My calling is not to be a worship leader...


My calling is not to love His children around the world...


My calling is not to be Rachel Hopper...



My calling is to love the LORD, my God, with ALL my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Sure, loving Him has a lot to do with those other things, but they are only an outflow of my first calling, my calling to be a God-worshiper. He is first. He is King. He is Savior.

He is the Redeemer, and I am the redeemed.

I owe my life...every little broken piece.

Real Talk #1: Putting On Praise when You want to put on Heaviness.

"Put on the garment of praise. For the spirit of heaviness." (This song gets it lyrics from Isaiah 61, fyi. Read it, :))

I was driving today, and I thought about this song, and I cried. I cried a lot.

I will just be honest; I hate this song. My church has sung it 249 times over the past few years, and I have never really been fond of it.

But I think that the real reason that I don't like this song is deeper than just not liking the beat of it.

This was one of the songs played on February 22, 2009. Two days after my Grandpa went to be with Jesus. This song was played at church, and I remember that the praise team was singing it like it was the the easiest thing to do in the world. They were all smiles. Then, I looked around to the rest of the church, and they were all smiles.

Me? I was not all smiles. I remember thinking to myself,

"Look at them singing that I can put on a garment of praise instead of heaviness just as easy and quickly as I put on my favorite hoodie... Yeah, right. Sorry, Abba. Not today. I will keep my heaviness...You got Grandpa, and I get to wear the heaviness. I want to drown in it a little bit more..."

I was so mad. My heart couldn't sing those words; therefore, my mouth didn't sing them either.

Allowing yourself/forcing yourself to put on the garment of praise is hard. It takes surrender of pain and heartache. And to be real with you, it took me months to put on a garment of praise after the death of my favorite person in the world. I was sad, hurt, broken, confused, and just in a state of heart-chaos. But it's worth it. Trust Abba's goodness. I promise you, He is faithful...

But, just b/c you put on the garment of praise doesn't mean that the hurt goes away; I still hurt every day...But it does FREE your soul from the ties of anger.

That's my real-talk thought for the day.


The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."-Job 1:21.