His heart is here...It's close, it's alive and beating.

Okay, this post is just going to be about an "inward battle" that I have been having the past few months...This is kind of a continuance of my last post...I want us to overcome this together. I want us to learn that God's heart is not in another country, but it's wherever there are people.


I feel "called" (or whatever you want to call it) to love the people that the world has tossed aside. I don't know what that means exactly in practicality, but I know that it could mean that I might move somewhere like the outskirts of a leper colony in India or Kenya, or maybe an AIDS hospital in Uganda, or a children's home in Knoxville. I don't know where this desire will take me, but it's going to take me further than I am comfortable with, no doubt. I am scared and excited. But today, I am lost...I am lost in the big picture of tomorrow. Yet, the past few months, God has been telling me to start weaving threads into the picture of my life, so that when the day comes, I can take a few steps back and see the big, beautiful picture of purpose and redemption of a simple college girl.

I have been getting out of my comfort zone over the past semester... I have been trying to live my life for my precious Savior first. Then, after Him, His beautiful people that He created. It's been hard. My soul has gone from hardened to beating with compassion and hope for these people around me. I have been through the refining fire, and the heat has been painful.

My heart has heard stories of brokenness, and as a result, my heart has been shattered more than I thought it could be. I have been taking a step out into the unknown...Sure, not in another country, but right here in Knoxville.

I was so ignorant to think that I could only love God and serve Him to my heart's capacity if I was in Africa or India (where my soul wants to be).

The thing is: God's heartbeat is so overwhelmingly strong in this city...God's heart breaks for the rich...He knows how hard it is to live for Him when we have every selfish thing we could ever want...And for this reason, He extends His grace so much in America. I sometimes believe that it is for this country that He grieves the most...A country blessed with riches but cursed with materialism. A country that ignores the needs of its own people...A country whose Church has been blessed with the materials and knowledge to change the world, yet sits paralyzed in comfort. Sometimes, when it rains, I imagine God's tears pouring down, hoping to wash us of greed.

The point: God loves the people in America, and His Spirit is moving and empowering people in huge ways.

Here are some redemption stories:

This past week, I heard the story of a woman who has been through so much darkness that I don't know how she first saw the flame of hope glowing...As she told her life's story to me, tears flowed out of my eyes, yet she stood with strength. She now gives her life to help families that are going through what she has been through at the Ronald McDonald House.

Before math class every MWF, I sat and talked to a girl whose eyes told more of a story than her words did... I would get to my car and weep for her lost heart. I would pray that I could share Jesus with her, even in some small way. God's promise that "those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy" came in a comforting wave every time my emotions took over. Each day, I sat and listened to her tell me bits and pieces of a broken story...Each day, I would smile and tell her about redemption with watery eyes. Her face would brighten for a few seconds as if what I was telling her could be possible, then her eyes would go back dark and tired. Satan had her filled with doubts of redeeming Love. I pray that one day, she finds the Hope she is desperately looking for.

As Veteran's day came this year, God reminded me of the verse that says "there is no greater love than this, that a man lays down his life for his friends." Today, I sent cards to these precious friends, reminding them that there is a college girl in Tennessee who wants to be like them when she grows up...Next week, I am going to visit a Veteran's home...God's heart is with the passionate and the fighters and the justice seekers...I can't imagine people who embody those things more than the military. I can't wait to hear these heroes' stories...I have a feeling that they are going to teach me more than I can imagine...

Next semester, I am going to be working with kids in the inner city and teenagers in a local school... These are things that intimidate me. These are things that I KNOW I can't do without His strength and grace. I am scared that I am not equipped...Yet, I want to be where His heart is...His Spirit works best in my weakness.

Each week, I go hang out with my grandmother...She's a widow. There is God's heart, friends...James 1:27 is closer than we thought.

I tell you all of this not to toot my own horn (b/c heaven knows that I am a walking wreck), but to show you that God is moving in your city in the same way that He is moving in Africa or India or Venezuela or Germany. I don't know why God is allowing me to be a part of His heartbeat to Knoxville, but He is...I am thankful that He is allowing these people to shape my heart. I am grateful for the opportunities to live the Gospel even when it's hard and when my heart longs to be somewhere else...God is still wanting to use you today, where you are. Loving and serving those people that are around you on a daily basis...that's the road Jesus wants us to walk
I challenge you to not buy into the lie that God is moving more in another country than in your city...Cultivate in your heart the eyes to see His hand in all situations, in all places.

Love. Love. Love.