Real Talk #14: Dating.

I feel like the subject doesn't get enough "real talk" these days.

This week, I have seen relationships begin, end, and grow. So, I thought I would write down some thoughts about dating.

Thoughts...take them or leave them:

1. I will just go ahead and tell you that I'm not someone who sees the point of the whole "date around until you find someone to marry" deal. In fact, I think it is quite damaging for many reasons. Ever since I was in middle school, I looked at dating and cringed.

This seems to be the typical dating relationship:

The girl flirts until she wins a boy over. A boy is a gentleman until he charms a girl enough to get her to fall for him. Each person gives everything to the other person, and then BAM! It's over 6 months later...One person is blamed for the break up, and the other person drowns in the idea that they are merely a victim. Each person says horrible things about the other person. They have emotional break downs. They don't know how to live without the other person. There is heart ache. Then, eventually, each moves on and dates someone else. Then, it repeats, repeats, repeats.

People say that dating is to find someone to marry. So, in my head, I think of one question when I hear this: if that's true, why does it look so much like divorce? Isn't that ironic?

I have been told by so many people (Christian people, might I add) that I should just date around to find the guy that I will marry. People will say, "You don't even have to consider marrying them...You will see what you want and don't want in a guy when you date around...When you decide that you have had enough, just end it. No big deal."

I usually smile at them, thank them for the advice, and then throw it in the trash. This advice is SO STINKIN' destructive. It makes me sick. And to be straight up with you, I think this kind of thing makes Abba sick too.

I don't need to date around to find out what kind of guy I should marry. Why not? B/c I have God's Word to tell me what a man of God is. I have the Holy Spirit to guide me towards the right guy.

2. When you bad mouth your ex-girlfriend, it shows me your character. If you can't keep yourself from speaking words that tear down when you are hurt, you aren't ready to date to begin with.

3. When you break up with someone and then try to find another relationship to get involved in, you should not be dating. You obviously depend on a relationship to find your identity. And boys, I will just go ahead and let you know, that's not attractive.

4. If your primary goal in life is to get married, there is a problem with your heart...

5. If you are not finding satisfaction in Christ before you date/get married, there are going to be some MAJOR issues when you are in a relationship with a sinful, selfish human.

These are just some observations. I have another post coming that will probably be more thought out.