I am empty.

I am bummed.

I got so excited when I saw that I could apply to go to the Philippines for next summer...The Philippines has been on my heart for about 5 years now, so I was just SOOO happy! 12 people needed to work in orphanages. I applied as soon as they put the project up...Then, I went and checked it this morning, and I saw that there were a -4 people needed. 4 too many. Sure, I could still get accepted, but should I go somewhere where the need is greater? I don't know... I am praying, praying, praying that ABBA opens doors and also closes them when they need to be closed. I ask that you would pray that for me too...

He is emptying me of my plans...I mean, He is completely emptying me. And it hurts. I am so confused...I thought I knew what He was doing, but I don't ever know what's up His sleeve...Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed...It sometimes leaves me upset and BROKEN...yet I have this joy...The joy of knowing that He is right beside me, opening up the right doors. I am nothing but weakness. "My power works best in your weakness..."

And,
I think that's (a state of brokenness) exactly where I need to be. Momma T said, "When we have nothing to give, let us give Him that nothingness. Let us all remain as empty as possible, so that God can fill us..." I am empty.

I am praying that He fills me...then, empties me again, then fills me, and empties me...for the rest of my life. Is there any other way to truly live? I don't think so. He is good, even when I don't understand.

"Trust Me from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure everything out on your own. Listen for My voice in everything you do, everywhere you go...I am the One who will keep you on track..."-Jesus Calling via Proverbs 3:5-6.