I wanna be real.

I make promises sometimes aka every single day of my life. Usually, these promises are to Abba and myself. They aren't usually "big deal" promises...They are usually small things that I think about and I promise to do it or not to do it. Some of those things include:

I promise to go sky diving.
I promise to run everyday for a year.
I promise to laugh every day.
I promise to tell someone a cheesy joke every day.
I promise to be friendly.
I promise to talk to people I don't know every day.
I promise to do my best in my classes.
I promise to stay friends with my best friends for the rest of my life.
I promise to own a golden retriever one day.
I promise to be organized.
I promise to never quit singing.
I promise to do a random act of kindness every day.
I promise to smile at everyone I pass at school...even when my day sucks and it's raining.
I promise to always love sunflowers.
I promise to learn to cook, make pottery, sew, and be overall crafty.

Other promises are more serious...Promises,cries of my heart, to Abba. Sometimes these spring from when I am reading His words to me...Other times, they come from an experience that taught me something that I hate about myself. Other times, I see something that I love in someone else that I want to be a part of my own life. (and other times, I see something I hate in someone else, and I promise not to be like that). Of course, usually these will never be promises that are COMPLETELY fulfilled until heaven...Some of these include:

I promise to passionately love others...I mean, I promise to love ALL others (even when they hurt me)more than I love myself.
I promise to smile when my heart is breaking.
I promise to speak words that give life.
I promise to walk with humility.
I promise to worship Him with my life's song.
I promise to cry sometimes.
I promise to go wherever He sends me.
I promise to chase after the dreams He has put inside of me.
I promise to love the least of these with my entire heart.
I promise to walk in faith, even when there seems to be no hope.
I promise to NEVER buy a coach purse.
I promise to always give more than I can afford.
I promise to live simply.
I promise to always pray for someone when I tell them I will.
I promise to always be in a constant conversation with Abba through out every day.
I promise to love Him and His bride even when His bride is wearing a hideous dress and is acting like a whore (did I just say "whore"? Guess so... No censoring here, kids.
I promise to never get caught up in possessions and appearance.
I promise to keep my temple healthy.
I promise to give up everything (whatever everything means) to make His name famous throughout the world.
I promise to be a hugger.
I promise to never be a religious person, but to always be a Jesus-lover.
I promised to love Jesus more than anyone else...more than my family, my friends, etc.


And, one of the biggest promises/cries of my heart is one that I decided on my sophomore year of highschool.

I promised to always be real. I remember the day I promised God that. I was in the car, praying the typical Christian-ese filled prayer when all of the sudden, I felt like He wasn't listening anymore. It was like He finally said, "Why are you doing this? You know that I see underneath these beautiful words, right? I don't even recognize you anymore...When you are ready to stop playing the pretend Christian life, I will open up my ears to you...Until then, I guess you will be talking to that wall that you built in front of My throne...Talk to ya, later..."

At that point, I broke down. I cried. I felt sorry for myself... Then I realized He was right. I had been putting on a show for years. Sure, I was His child, but I acted phony. So, this time, my prayer didn't start the way it usually did... It didn't start "Oh Father God, You are sovereign and powerful...I love you. I am so thankful for a new morning to worship you...I trust You. Give me strength..."

It started with:

"Hey Abba. It's me Rachel, not the fake one...the one who is broken and wanting to change the world. Turns out we haven't talked in a while. I've kind of been full of crap lately...I guess religion got a hold of me, and I worshiped it instead of You. Pretty stupid of me. Also, you know how I said that I was thankful for today earlier? I lied. I'm not. I didn't want to wake up this morning... Actually, I have lied a lot to You. I tried to act like I had it all together...but, I don't. I suck by myself. I need you more than I even realize..."

I almost didn't think that He recognized me without all the Christian jargon from before... Turns out that He kicked down the wall that I built up...And He said, "Rach, my precious daughter, now I can use you... Now, I can see you...Now, I see the girl that I saved... Now, I finally can listen to you... Thanks for cutting the non-sense out...I hear it way too much from My people. I want honesty. I want you to be real with Me. I want you to tell Me that I made you mad. I mean, I already know what you are thinking anyway. Just be real... That's My desire for your life."

I have read so many things about "get real for Jesus!" But what does "real" mean?

In practical terms, I think it means that you don't hide your flaws and struggles. When you go to church, you don't fake living a life for Jesus by raising your hands in worship, crying during every altar call, etc. I think it means that sometimes when your heart can't sing the lyrics to a song, you don't sing them at all. I think it means that sometimes when someone asks about how everything is going, you will answer honestly with, "Pretty crappy...Life is just crazy and frustrating." I think it means that you won't believe things just b/c they are trend statements. You believe them b/c they are truth. It means that you will be broken most of the time, but you will have a joy that overpowers the brokenness. It means that you will lift up others with your words, but you will also correct them in love. When you correct them, you won't make it a big deal...You will pull them to the side and tell them that you love them and want the best for their lives. When you are talking with unbelievers, you don't use Christian lingo to witness to them...(Phrases like PTL, call of Christ, bless your heart, etc). It means that you talk to them like a normal person would, and then you build up a relationship with them so you can introduce them to Sweet Jesus and they actually trust and believe you b/c of the genuine love you have shown them. It means that when you pray in public, you don't use huge words and pray fake prayers...It means that you sometimes say, "Life is crappy, Abba...Like woah. It's ridiculous. We can't do this without you. We can't follow you without your strength. We need you more than we need college football, coach purses, and evangelists who come to start a revival. We need you when things suck and when they are freshhh. We are cutting all this religious crap...We're following you instead." It means that you live out your devotions that you read every morning. It means that you live the Gospel more than you preach it.